Literally cannot bare it anymore.
When I wipe my butt it starts to fucking bleed, it’s horrible. Like, I don’t want to get into details, but after a few wipes it starts hurting and the paper wipes get bloody. Imagine wiping your ass with sandpaper, it’s basically that, but somehow replicated with regular toilet paper.
I have to go shower every single time I poo to actually clean my butt.
As of writing this, it’s 1 A.M and I just pooed, couldn’t wipe as usual, but as I mentioned, it’s 1 A.M. If I were to attempt to clean myself in the shower, i’d wake everyone up. So, i can’t rinse butt,.
I am writing this with a half wiped butt. Buy me a bidet, please
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Eat more fiber.
You can get a decent addon bidet for like $40
Yeah literally it will change your life. Pretty easy to install too.
How much lifting is pretty doing?
About as easy as assembling IKEA shelves. You’ll need an adjustable wrench or channel lock pliers to unscrew the plumbing fittings, and maybe a screwdriver.
Normalize left wing handiness
Ok I’ve done plenty of ikea but plumbing scares me
If you can do Ikea, you can do plumbing
There’s how-to videos online that will show you the steps
And don’t forget to turn the water off to the toilet before you start.
I did it myself in like 30 mins. You might need to get some teflon tape if the kit you get doesn’t include any. I needed some to keep the connection to the water line from leaking
Not much, a lot of them have built in nut wrenches for the hoses and easy instructions. They mount with the standard toilet seat hardware. If you get one with warm water, it’s just a bit more work.
Very little, but what you really need to consider is how much less wiping you will do.
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Okay so here’s what you do.
After the preliminary clean get 2-3 squares of paper, stack them and fold the stack in half. The goal is to have something 4-6 sheets thick. Get it wet with cool water. Wipe gingerly.
When you can shower pat the area dry and apply some ointment. Basic antibiotic ointment (neosporin stuff) will work. Petroleum jelly if nothing else is available. You can also use coconut oil. You gotta moisturize your hole.
Expert mode: if you have a heater or even just a hair dryer use that to blast your asshole with warm dry air after the shower.
Now onto double extra mode: the next time you need to shit get a square of toilet paper and fold it into a little applicator patch. Put ointment on it. Massage it onto your asshole, a little bit inside even. Then take your shit.
Remember the rule: dry skin tears, moist skin stretches so stay hydrated and apply ointment.
And eat more fiber.
This post brought to you by Irritable Bowel Syndrome Gang
The shit whisperer has spoken
GOOD post
Shitpost
“Shitcom” is a 2012 claymation short film directed by Takena Nagao. It is a scatological romantic comedy with a runtime of approximately 1 minute. It was posted to Takena’s YouTube channel on September 21st, 2012; the official upload of the film today has over 3 million views.
“Shitcom” is consistently among the lowest-rated anime of all time.
Dare you to queue it tn
Lmfao OK
What can I say, I always follow through on a dare.
I found a YouTube link in your comment. Here are links to the same video on alternative frontends that protect your privacy:
Finally a thread in which I can talk about my anal incontinence. Had a hemorrhoid last week, for the first time ever. It was so uncomfortable, felt like I was shitting out a xenomorph.
This huge lump had grown around the puckered lips of my asshole, covering the entire anus to the point where I couldn’t even find it.
Was prescribed some hydrocortisol cream and antiinflammatory meds.
Moral of the story: you have a hemmy, my friend. Eat fiber, wipe with baby wipes, maybe get prep H. Go see a doctor if you can.
I had a bad hemorrhoid once and I got suppositories and it worked like a charm. The feel when it goes away
my friend you really really need a bidet it’s only 30 bucks. your home life will be completely turned around.
Is this how Americans live?
unfortunately.
the dialectic?This sounds less bidet more go see a doctor, but I assume that is not possible because of healthcare costs
i mean i kind of assumed that the op was exaggerating, but if he is unironic - he should probably see if he has butt cancer ig
bro get a bidet with a dryer built in you will feel like youve been a savage this whole time and it will solve your issues
Assuming you’re exaggerating a bit here, and don’t need immediate medical attention, it sounds like you have haemorrhoids tbh. That would account for the endless wiping, soreness, and bleeding. Basically, you’ve blown out the muscles in your asshole from pushing too much. Have you tried eating fruit?
You definitely need a bidet but also please eat more fiber and drink more water.
I am so tired of pooing. I eat the food — which I apparently need to live or something — and then I have to go put the food somewhere else an hour later, except it’s brown and stinky. I eat the food, I go to a place to un-eat the food, I wash my hands, I leave, and then I have to eat MORE food. Guess where that food ends up! Not in me! I give the food to my body, and like a child it tosses it out and demands more. All hours of the day, all hours of the night, no matter what I’m doing, my life is interrupted by SHIT. Fuckin bullpiss!
So there’s this thing called insoluble fiber, and you need to eat it.
Get a bidet seat, but in the mean time, a portable bidet can be had from most drug stores or online for between $3 and $9.
you should try a bidet (which seems like alot of people recommended), alongside with some small stepping stool next to your toilet for you to put your feet on when you poop - there is apparently some thing when if you have legs in a somewhat squatting position you can help pass poop
I seriously cannot overstate how good bidets are. Easy to install, and they go for $30 or less if you stick with a basic mechanical one.
try wiping with wet toilet paper OP. you obviously have to take care not to soak it, just damp. i’ve been doing this my whole life and my butthole is very clean. doesn’t beat a bidet but it works, and you should be able to get clean with your current condition.
