Image transcription:
Computer science terms that sound like fantasy RPG abilities
I’ll start:
- Firewall
- Virtual Memory
- Single source of truth
- Lossless Compression (this one sounds really powerful for some reason)
Your turn
Hard mode: Try not to include closer to domain-specific things like javascript library names
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Scroll lock. To protect your scrolls.
Think that’s that wizards get when they’re having trouble studying.
Happy cake day!
Huh, no shit! It’s been a year already.
I think that means I’m getting old.
There’s an infamous tech support tale dating back to the Windows 95 days of a very religious lady who wanted all of the wizards removed from her computer. Similar for an individual who absolutely did not want any mice around their computer
Or prevent an opposing caster from using one or more scrolls
Polymorphism
The orc becomes a pile of gelatin, quivering, you now must choose what it will become.
Roll for…
… seduction
You roll a 1.
This causes an unauthorized access exception and a giant bouncer rapidly approaches, screaming in fury.
I love your username
Encapsulation kinda sounds like it could be a spell too. That’s 2/3 pillars of OOP.
The last one was atomization, right? Gets a bit out of fantasy, but can definitely sound magical
I cast atomization on the giant. (9th level warlock spell)
On a failed save the targets head evaporates killing them outright.
On a success roll a d4 (or higher for higher number of limbs) and the limb clockwise from the head evaporates. Dealing either 25% or 150HP which ever is higher damage.
World wide web would be an OP spell
A crack forms below you… and suddenly a tunnel collapses inward beneath your feet.
After a short while your fall is arrested. You are now snagged in a web, in the dim light lit from where you fell you can see this web goes on, all around you, seemingly forever.
Heartbleed
a list of named vulnerabilities would be a great starter
I cast CVE-2014-0160… at the darkness
I cast CVE-2015-0565 at the goblin horde.
I am a level 17 Install Wizard.
Installation Wizard - A wizard hired to protect a specific building or location.
alternatively just an HVAC technician who casts enchantments
“For the last time i am NOT an ‘installation wizard’, i am an engineer! I didn’t spend 5 years studying enchantments just for people to compare me to bedsheet-wearing dementia-addled codgers!”
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Roll for intelligence… 16. The progress of the one hit BEG killing spell is 33%
<many turns later>
Roll for intelligence… 3. The progress of the one hit BEG killing spell is 96%. That’s the only action you can take on your turn. You better hope the party can stop the army from hitting the power source of this spell before it finishes.
Roll for intelligence… 5. Since that would be more than 100 the progress of the spell rolls back to 91%.
Unstable Ram
One of those fucked me up real bad in Elden Ring
Memory Leak
That one would also be a good name for an EDM group
- Terminal shell
- Kill daemon
- Timeshift
- Cloud hosting
- Ethernet
- Overwrite memory
- Free memory
- Poison artifical intelligence
Default Gateway
Split Horizon
Routing Overhead
Broadcast Storm
edit:fkn markdown
Split Horizon sounds really high-level.
Split Horizon with Poison Reverse
Halt and Catch Fire
This does not have enough up votes.
Terminal escape
Privilege escalation
Command injection
Dependency injection
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Wizards don’t know what that is, so it seems magical to them
i cast insulin
I had a bit too much fun with these :)
Magical Items
- The Bandwidth Cap
Cursed item that limits the magical power of it’s wearer - The Token Ring
Magical ring that allows the wielder to communicate over large distances. They can receive messages from one token ring and send message to another. - The Memory Barrier
Protective charm that shields the mind from intrusion. - The Shadow Register
A magical ledger that records secrets and hidden locations in the immediate area. - The Superscalar
A legendary shimmering sword that can strike multiple foes in a single attack.
Spells
- Loopback
Redirects a spell to its point of origin. - Jabber
Causes the target to produce incoherent speech and lose its train of thought. - Branch Prediction
Gives the caster foresight to predict their opponent’s next action. - Traceroute
A tracking spell that reveals the path of a target. - Mask
Hides the caster’s true identity. - Hypertransport
Enables instantaneous movement over short distances. - Interrupt
Counterspell to disrupt an enemy’s casting.
Spell modifiers
- Broadcast
Modifies spell to affect a large area. - Unicast
Modifies spell to affect a single point with maximum damage. - Multicast
Modfies spell to affect multiple selected targets. - Repeater
Modifies spell to recast itself over multiple turns.
Transmission Control Protocol - Modifies teleportation and summoning to be very specific.
Universal Datagram Protocol - see “Shout”
UDP - See “shout”
I give you credit, not much causes me to actually laugh out loud… like a good, hearty belly laugh. This did, thank you for that.
- The Bandwidth Cap
- Big endian (a very powerful NPC)
- Hardware abstraction (a spell that makes all the stuff disappears)
- Obfuscation (invisibility spell)
- Multiplexing (ability to cast several spells as one)
- Dangling reference (when wrong information is given by somebody)
- Curiously Recurring Template Pattern (basically crop circles)
- Pure virtual method (anything somebody learned but will never use)
- Diamond inheritance (when someone in the party dies and all of their money is spread accross the others)
Can you tell what’s my job?
I target you and cast polymorphism.
Power word (sudo) Kill!
Embedded systems?
We have a winner!
Curiously Recurring Template Pattern (basically crop circles)
They’re also as mysterious as crop circles in programming. I know how it works but I’m not going to explain to the next poor sap. Such an antipattern. It’s in the name, don’t do this sort of shit. Stop being clever. Your code should be dumb as fuck
DevOps or Sys Admin?
CAT5e sounds like a fifth-edition ruleset
ethernet sounds like some mystical realm
Wait, did ethernet come from aether
Yes.
Same idea as “the cloud.” You’d draw a diagram and the arrows would eventually go to a squiggly representation of someone else’s problem.
Yeah, it’s named after the luminiferous aether, the invisible medium light waves were theorised to move in. Turns out photons just do that instead.
Makes me think of a net you use to capture things that are on the ethereal plane.
You use it to catch the ether bunny
Avatar and icon were similarly stolen from mysticism.
