I don’t want to be intrusive, so what is a good “pickup line” to have? Especially relevant for lesbians as this isn’t necessarily a queer orgy but i’m sure there will be some bi or lesbians there! Also, what is a good way to turn someone down nicely?

  • DavidDoesLemmy@lemmynsfw.comEnglish
    7·
    3 days ago

    The trick is to approach them before the sex starts. Go say hello and have a chat. Then later it’s much easier to catch their eye and ask if you can join.

  • Keepthoseeyeslockedonmine@kinkycats.org
    3·
    3 days ago

    @Neu maybe you don’t even need to approach them? You could you sit back, enjoy watching, masturbate when you see something you like, and wait for someone charming and naughty to approach you with a filthy and irresistible proposition?

    • Neu@lemmynsfw.comOPEnglish
      2·
      3 days ago

      Not sure that would fit my style 😅 I can initiate but I don’t love leading or going solo. Plus I usually prefer women and at least in my non-orgy experience the natrual ratio of men to women approaching me is like 10:1 😅

      • Keepthoseeyeslockedonmine@kinkycats.org
        1·
        3 days ago

        @Neu I’m now thinking about you going as someone’s pet. They can take care of all that for you, in line with your wishes and desires, and they can also guide and help your preferred partners in how they ought to handle you once you have agreed with them who it is you’d love to play with?

        • Neu@lemmynsfw.comOPEnglish
          1·
          3 days ago

          No no, not a pet. I really don’t like extreme dom/sub stuff. I like being a sub but probably to a pretty vanilla extent.

          • Keepthoseeyeslockedonmine@kinkycats.org
            2·
            2 days ago

            @Neu sorry, maybe I could have been clearer! I wasn’t envisaging ears and tail and walking on all fours or anything like that!! I guess I meant more being with an assertive partner who would lead and guide you and facilitate the tricky first interactions so everything came naturally to the point where you could either engage in sexual activity with whoever you happened to be talking to, or comfortably move on

            • Neu@lemmynsfw.comOPEnglish
              1·
              2 days ago

              That sounds great! But not so realistic for me at the moment. But thanks for the suggestion 🤩

  • bendovertherainbow@lemmynsfw.comEnglish
    9·
    4 days ago

    Ask, don’t assume you can do whatever you want.

    Other than that its like talking to someone any other time, treat them how you’d like to be treated.

    So turning down is as simple as “No thank you” or “I’d like to keep doing this instead” or whatever depending on what’s being asked.

    • Neu@lemmynsfw.comOPEnglish
      3·
      4 days ago

      I heard this advice a lot, but like… How can I be so casual in that scenario? 😅 obviously I would never touch or invade someones personal space without verbal consent.

      I guess I just need to practice in my head coming to someone mid sex and just going “Hi, may I join?” 😅

      • bendovertherainbow@lemmynsfw.comEnglish
        7·
        4 days ago

        I mean, you have to be pretty comfortable and somewhat casual in an orgy - it isn’t like someone is going to tip their top hat and say “Perchance, madame, may I gaze upon you from below whilst delivering my tongue?”

        I mean, maybe someone would, but it would be with someone they know and kind of jokey about it.

        But this:

        obviously I would never touch or invade someones personal space without verbal consent.

        You might not, but some do behave that way. Its gross when it happens, and generally speaking, that person wouldn’t be invited back (as long as the person running the event is made aware).

        So really, yeah, you’ll need to be comfortably casual. You’re going to have sex with them, not ask them to take you to prom first.

        • Neu@lemmynsfw.comOPEnglish
          4·
          4 days ago

          Thanks! Actually kind of scared about a guy getting pushy or not asking before doing, but I did my best to find a place that I believe to be safe.

          • bendovertherainbow@lemmynsfw.comEnglish
            4·
            4 days ago

            No idea where you’re going, but based on the comment I’m going to assume a swinger club or similar.

            Usually there will be a spot where everyone lounges around, gets to know each other, maybe plays some party games of sorts. Then a bit into the event, more or less doors open elsewhere for the fun.

            Get to know people during the first part will make the second part that much easier.

  • FistingEnthusiast@lemmynsfw.comEnglish
    6·
    4 days ago

    Events differ in their vibe, but it’s surprisingly easy to just strike up a conversation with people, a well-run event will have people keeping an eye on things and doing vibe checks

    • Neu@lemmynsfw.comOPEnglish
      4·
      4 days ago

      Honestly, being a vibe checker sounds like a nicer way to ease into this world before actually participating, I wonder if that is possible 🤔

      • FistingEnthusiast@lemmynsfw.comEnglish
        4·
        4 days ago

        It takes quite a bit of experience to accurately read a situation, especially if things are getting kinky

        I’ve hosted things, where I basically wasn’t playing because I was making sure that everyone else was safe (first and foremost) and enjoying themselves

        I’ve seen inexperienced DMs either freak out, power trip or miss things

        One of the easy ways to dip your toe into things is to attend a few munches and non-play events. You can get a feel for what it’s like to start or join conversations with people in a sex-positive environment