No no no, you see. This calls for a more nuanced stratrgy.
Step 1. on the edges of Hyrule, find the most useless, worthless plot of land you won’t miss. How about Evertide Island?
Step 2. excommunicate it from Hyrule
Step 3. Give Hyrule its original name back: Grooseland
Step 4. Send some random guy to “discover” Evertide Island or any other useless plot of land of your choosing and name it “Hyrule”.
Step 5. Voila! Now Ganondorf is only king of the worthless plot of land known as Hyrule and can never become king of Grooseland.
Step 6. Voila! You just recreated Israel
Once king, he’s due to return Hyrule to its glory days and engage in war against Grooseland.
Kind of realizing now that eternal Ganondorf grinding against the feudal empire of Hyrule is a metaphor for the constant dialectical eroding power of proto-capitalism, but instead of the leaders of the different species responding with inter-feudal fallout wars in the face of changing material conditions, they keep just being nice to each other lol
Shad remarks somewhere that all great, Hyrule facts and personages occur, as it were, eternally. He has forgotten to add: the first dozen or so times as tragedy, but eventually it must occur as farce
Link the 18th Feroru of Gannondorf
Man fuck you this is badposting, all posts are supposed to be bad
am i the only one who saw the 2003 spy action-comedy / Rowan Atkinson star vehicle Johnny English?
Mr. Bean plays a bumbling MI7 agent who, after accidentally killing all the other secret government agents, becomes the last / #1 spy. he then bumbles upon a plot by the antagonist (played at 110% by Sir John Malkovich)–a french prison magnate and distant heir of the throne–to retake the throne and use it’s bizarre, “ceremonial” powers to turn the country into his personal prison.
the point is, you can just let Ganondorf become the king of hyrule, ceremonial or otherwise. because he’s french.
I think I saw that one like 10 times
Was my favorite movie for a long time
wow spoilers
He’s cursed to haunt Link and Zelda’s lineage forever, the king bit is because it’s almost always the same Ganondorf and he’s pissed Hyrule left his tribe to die in the desert pre-OoT and can’t let it go no matter how many times he fails.
Also, how does the name “Hyrule” last so long? BotW and TotK take place enough time after the rest of the games that language would’ve evolved and names would probably be different.
The Hylian Academy is highly prescriptivist and resists any linguistic shift
Personally i don’t believe in the timeline theories, even though they’re canon
Zelda games are better thought of as retelling of the same tale in different cultures/times/universes, with their own cultural spin on it. Like Wind Waker is some fishing tribe legend.
And the goddesses who created all these multiverse dimensions are the commonality that plants the seed within them. Some real like echos in the fabric of all creation shit.
None of this “back when Hyrule was actually high in the sky and we did bird school” shit
Preach
New headcanon: 3 goddesses are bene gesserit in search for some muad dib to weild all 3 pieces of the triforce or something, accounting for the close similarities in myths &c
deleted by creator
Why didnt link just vote
Serious answer: Something something, Ganondorf’s power gives him the ultimate monopoly on violence in the kingdom, something something.
Bad posting answer: Link is the triforce of skrunkly goblinishness and just needs to hit a shield surf on the same frame he collides with Ganondorf’s head to totally dunk on him
