Sorry if this is the wrong comm, but I had to get this off my chest. I am so sick and tired of dealing with bi-erasure. I am a bisexual man who is I’d say 90% attracted to women and 10% attracted to men. Best I can explain it, I am mostly attracted to women and occasionally attracted to a man. It really is that simple, but for a lot of people I might as well be explaining calculus. I understand if most straight people can’t fathom it, after all they are straight. But what really irks me is when other LGBT people erase it, telling me I am “in the closet” or whatever. It makes me so damn angry because I am not in the closet, I am open about my bisexuality, yet no one believes it. I have only dated women, but everyone in my life off and online including my gf who herself is LGBTQ+ thinks I am gay. I’m so sick of it I think I’ll either just tell people I am straight or become gay.
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Yeah, it’s also funny because when people aren’t just like “You’re probably just confused” there’s usually at least a “Oh, you mean you want to fuck everybody?” In there too
Look, yes, I’ve got a strong sex drive and I find a wide variety of things attractive, but I’m not some sort of sex-craved maniac
I’m not some sort of sex-craved maniac
:I-was-saying:
ONE OF US ONE OF US ONE OF US
but I’m not some sort of sex-craved maniac
:side-eye-1: :side-eye-2:
“You’re probably just confused”
I HATE this one. Im not confused, I know I find sexy women hot and sexy men hot. No confusion there.
“Oh, you mean you want to fuck everybody?” In there too
Honestly, as dumb as this is I think this is less wrong than saying I am gay lmao
when other LGBT people erase it
Honestly it confounds me how people can behave like that. Not even from like a “wow how dare you” perspective but legitimately it’s incoherent as a position. I can at least understand a straight cis person not getting it because they’re never really pushed to reflect on it by society. If you’re already queer in some way what’s the cognitive issue with believing people can be attracted to more than one gender and in different ways?
It’s not that surprising. Try asking a grounded conventionally attractive straight woman to give online dating advice to a grounded conventionally attractive straight man and watch how the difference in lived experience just grinds the conversation to a halt teetering on the edge of mutual recriminations. The amount of times I’ve heard women tell men to ‘try dating themselves first’ (which is what they are already doing, dinner and treats etc.) is honestly hilarious.
People, for the most part, don’t really go out of their way to imagine what the lives of other people are like, and therefore are only really able to empathize with people who share common backgrounds and experiences with them. As soon as they are confronted with real, substantial differences they just start to assume that the other party is lying, or exaggerating their problem. There is just a complete lack of trust and zero communication skills. Nearly total alienation.
Try adding in stuff like gender and sexuality and it just becomes an even more complex gradiated nightmare. Not that it should be if ignored, but it is a huge Gordian knot for modern discourse.
I can at least understand a straight cis person not getting it because they’re never really pushed to reflect on it by society. If you’re already queer in some way what’s the cognitive issue with believing people can be attracted to more than one gender and in different ways?
You nailed it, its totally baffling to me. How can you yourself be queer and just not understand it? Is it really that difficult to imagine I am attracted to people regardless of gender? To me it seems like the most simple thing in the world, “I like what I like.”
The only thing I can figure is “what no theory does to a motherfucker” is at work bc how disconnected do you have to be from queer theory and queer history to dismiss bi people?
:this:
it’s such an easy test for whether or not someone is toxic.
similar vibe with who gets upset about the concept of bisexual lesbians.
People think that bi men are actually gay and bi women are actually straight. Not even LGBT people are immune to that.
in my experience a lot of other lgbt people think the opposite, that bi men are straight, and bi women are lesbians
I get this a lot, a lot of people assume I’m either gay or asexual because I never talk about sex. When I tell them I’m pan they just assume I’m gay and not at terms with it. I’m hella attracted to women, I just don’t talk about it so people assume I’m not. But then I’m also hella attracted to men and I don’t talk about that, and people assume I’m gay because of it
I feel for the bi homies and homettes in a seemingly cishet long term stable relationship to someone else bi, no one believes you damn.
fwiw, one of the first big organized pride marches was led by a bi woman. Yall have always been a part of the struggle for liberation.
