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restingboredface@sh.itjust.works to The Onion@midwest.socialEnglish · 10 months ago

Democrats Panic After Kamala Harris Ages 40 Years In Single Night

www.theonion.com

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Democrats Panic After Kamala Harris Ages 40 Years In Single Night

www.theonion.com

restingboredface@sh.itjust.works to The Onion@midwest.socialEnglish · 10 months ago
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WASHINGTON—Arriving for a campaign strategy session with the vice president and staring in disbelief at her frail, hunched-over form, top Democratic Party officials reportedly began panicking Monday after they discovered Kamala Harris had aged 40 years in a single night. “What the hell happened to her? She was only 59…
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  • mozz@mbin.grits.dev
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    10 months ago

    Dude I feel like The Onion is coming back into its own again

    • Tedrow@lemmy.world
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      10 months ago

      It’s the new ownership.

      • IMALlama@lemmy.world
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        10 months ago

        TIL. From Wikipedia:

        On April 8, 2019, private equity firm Great Hill Partners acquired Gizmodo Media Group—including The Onion, The A.V. Club, and Clickhole—from Univision for an undisclosed amount.[148] The properties were formed into a new company named G/O Media Inc.[149][150] In March 2024, G/O sold The A.V. Club to Paste Magazine and was reported to be seeking buyers for The Onion.[151]

        On April 25, 2024, CEO Jim Spanfeller told employees that G/O had sold The Onion to Chicago firm Global Tetrahedron, which is owned by Twilio founder Jeff Lawson, with former NBC reporter Ben Collins serving as CEO.[152] As a condition of the deal, the new owners will retain the website’s staff and keep it based in Chicago.[153] The name “Global Tetrahedron” is taken from a “fictional evil megacorporation” that has been the subject of a running gag in The Onion articles.[154]

        https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Onion

        • Zoidsberg@lemmy.ca
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          10 months ago

          “My friends and I now own and run The Onion. I’ll be the CEO,” Collins posted on X. “We’re keeping the entire staff, bringing back The Onion News Network, and shar[ing] the wealth with staff. Basically, we’re going to let them do whatever they want. Get excited.”

          Neat.

          • Tedrow@lemmy.world
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            10 months ago

            The new owner used to be in charge of the misinformation best at his old news room. Now he makes fake news.

            • joelfromaus@aussie.zone
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              10 months ago

              The best outcome. Honestly, if we could convince other misinformation reporters to turn to comedy the world would be a better place.

        • sp3ctr4l@lemmy.zip
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          10 months ago

          Wow, they were owned by Gizmodo for that time period?

          Fucking no wonder the quality went down.

        • aaro@lemmy.world
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          10 months ago

          Private equity

          • Anyolduser@lemmynsfw.com
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            10 months ago

            deleted by creator

      • Nemo Wuming@lemmy.world
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        10 months ago

        Really puts the previous ownership to shame. Who were these people??

        • picnicolas@slrpnk.net
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          10 months ago

          Typical private equity vampires

    • Kalkaline @leminal.space
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      10 months ago

      They had by far the best debate coverage

    • ThunderWhiskers@lemmy.world
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      10 months ago

      They are slapping really hard this year and I love it. They had to though, reality has officially become stranger than fiction.

  • dephyre@lemmy.world
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    10 months ago

    At press time, sources confirmed prominent members of the party had been instructed to quickly shift their support to a spry, cogent 31-year-old Joe Biden, who had somehow de-aged 50 years overnight.

    Look here, Jack!

    • EleventhHour@lemmy.world
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      10 months ago

      Holy shit, he was hot!

      • kandoh@reddthat.com
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        10 months ago

        But was he hung like hunter?

        • Dr. Bluefall@toast.ooo
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          10 months ago

          It runs in the family.

      • Lileath@lemmy.blahaj.zone
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        10 months ago

        And against desegregation of schools.

        • laughterlaughter@lemmy.world
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          10 months ago

          Can you back this up?

          This is what I found, but I don’t trust CNN much these days (I don’t trust Fox News either, for the record):

          https://edition.cnn.com/factsfirst/politics/factcheck_543af44b-2bfc-4050-964e-79ebdbd57142

      • mosiacmango@lemm.ee
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        10 months ago

        was

  • kirbowo808@kbin.melroy.org
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    10 months ago

    Oh shit! It’s Joemala Harriden!

  • TheReturnOfPEB@reddthat.com
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    10 months ago

    Kamaelisandre

  • mad_asshatter@lemmy.world
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    10 months ago

    She already had a raspy voice!!!

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