I was originally gonna say something about outdoor cats but I didn’t want to have an actual struggle session. Being called a Redditor is the lesser of those two evils.

The problem with the so-called “Hawaiian” Pizza is that there’s no attempt to balance flavors. It’s just sour and (sometimes) sweet pineapple tossed thoughtlessly onto a ham pizza. Pineapple goes great in a lot of things - curries, sweet and sour pork, etc., but most of those dishes are thoughtfully balanced so that there are no overwhelming flavors.

The correct answer to “will adding cooked pineapple to this dish improve it?” is always “yes, that will always improve everything whether it’s a burger or curry or pizza or soup or rice.”

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And if an adult replies “appeal to authority” you hit them with a stick named “authority” until they appeal for it to stop.

Replying again, I don’t think a pizza should be a rich dish, and also the fewer the toppings the better.

You just need dough, sauce, cheese, basil.

Nothing to overpower the flavour of the bread, which is in and of itself an ingredient with its own texture and flavour, not simply a device to deliver toppings into your mouth. The sourdough, proven for a decade or more, taking on the smokiness of the wood burning in the oven as it cooks. The texture of being crisp on the outside but al dente in the middle, the unpredictable flames of the oven charring, but not outright burning certain spots of dough.

Raw San Marzano plum tomatoes, pureed with olive oil, salt and a clove of garlic. No need to add sugar to overcome the taste of being packaged and canned, these are vine ripened. You can still taste the umami and acidity of the tomatoes, even as it cooks, slowly absorbing into the dough below.

The fresh, mild buffalo mozzarella, free to melt without being coated in anti-caking agents pre-shredded cheese is caked in. Chunks, torn or sliced, placed sporadically on the pizza, not even trying to cover every square centimeter. Balancing out the acidity of the tomatoes

Leaves of basil, placed on top, adding colour contrast and a subtle sweetness.

You take a bite, and your worries for the day drift away. The bustle of the restaurant, of the alley, of the street, melt away into a murmur. This is good. Today is good. But a thought nags at you. Why is this not your default association with pizza? And why does that fact subconsciously make you sad?

You come to the realization that once again, it has been the cold, bony fingers of capital. You’re sad because you realize it’s the same enshitification making everything worse today.

The bread, expertly made with aged starters, chewy and firm in perfect amounts, cheapened to thin, unproven dough cut costs.

The woodfire oven, scent of home and hearth, replaced with conveyor belts to increase output.

The tomatoes, now canned and preserved, artificially sweetened to mask the taste of metal.

The cheese, now mass produced and lacking age, requiring twice as much to get the same amount of flavour, turning a dish of very little oil to a greasy oily mess.

This masterpiece of aroma, texture and flavour is now unhealthy, soulless and worse yet, bland. No wonder why people sought out more and more toppings. And then the arms race began of the most attention grabbing toppings to boost sales culminated in a tropical fruit being used as a topping. This became the tipping point. People subconsciously knew the idea was ridiculous, and yet they couldn’t articulate how or why. Is it because it’s a fruit? Well, tomato is already a fruit. Is it because it’s sweet? Well there are dessert pizzas. Is it because of the texture? Maybe, but that shouldn’t cause that visceral of a reaction.

It’s because it’s strayed too far from what it’s meant to be. Whether or not it tastes good, at a certain point, is no longer relevant. It’s simply strayed too far from what it was.

I’m not sure if sushi made with quinoa instead of rice and southern BBQ pulled pork for a filling would taste good or bad, probably good. But at that stage is it still sushi? How many ingredients can you add to a Caesar salad before it stops being a Caesar salad? To a grilled cheese? To an egg fried rice?

Pineapple is a terrible topping on pizza because hot fruit is terrible on my tongue and in my tummy. Using a sauce concentrate thinned with pineapple juice or making the sauce with some pineapple juice mixed in gives you the good flavor without the terrible texture

Are pizzas in America really that rich? I find the tomato in pizza sauce to be sour enough to overcome the tiny amounts of mozzarella.

Honestly I mostly eat it for the woodfire smoky flavour and the sourdough base. It’s essentially bread, cheese, tomato and basil.

Cubed pineapple is not good and texturally obtrusive, the thin slices on a Maui Zaui are great

Good. Good. Let the hate pineapple juice flow through you.

the value of adding tartness to a rich dish

That’s what balsamic vinegar is for

Well, they’re Red like she says the Soviets are, so it checks out.

I didn’t have Hungarians exactly in mind at first. In the middle ages people in Europe and the Islamic world used to think Gog and Magog would emerge from Central Asia and herald the end of the world. Every time a powerful steppe empire would emerge to challenge the settled people of Europe and the Levant, like the Mongols, people there would speculate if the beginning of the end was nigh. In the context of the Cold War, Evangelical Protestants ideologically aligned with the American government convinced gullible people like my Trump- supporting coworker that the Soviet Union was Gog and Magog from the Bible, and that they would herald the end of the world. Hence why these people have the mentality of medieval peasants who think every enemy of the king is in league with the actual Devil. I told her that the whole idea is ludicrous if you have even an ounce of historical knowledge about how every generation thinks they’ll soon see the end of the world.

and the instinct to swim away from unpleasantness.