Uh, I am a funny autist, I had no regard for any risk to me as a result of coming out or whatever. I was a very willful child and very lucky as well.
The primary reason though is that he/him pronouns are mind poison and make me wanna die every time I came out a year before I got on estrogen, but there was also a couple of months where I was on spironolactone, but not estrogen, and was still fulltime.
But the bigger question to me is, why not? Why wait till estrogen to get gendered properly? Sure, I didn’t really feel that I looked femme before estrogen, but people are happy to respect your identity and pronouns regardless, and being she/her feels good.
I went full time the day I took my first E. But realistically I could have went full time years before hand, I had boobs and hips all I would have needed was to grow my hair out again
Its hard to explain, but I guess I don’t/won’t see myself as a woman until I start presenting that way/passing (which will probably involve hrt and maybe I won’t even then but I’ll try not to get too doomer on something I haven’t even started). I don’t know, I just feel like I’m a guy who wants to be a girl, not necessarily a girl trapped in a guy’s body (although I am trapped in this body). I’m probably not making sense. But I won’t see myself as a woman until I get out of this guy body. And I feel like a lot of trans people do view themselves that way, as being the gender they want to be before transitioning.
I guess in general I feel like how I look (body/presentation) and am perceived is my gender, not what I wish I was. What I wish I was is just that, what I want. Not what I am.
That’s sort of a thorny cross-section of personal views on gender with the facts of gender itself, I suppose… On the one hand, it’s true that many binary trans people do view it that way, and like, if you don’t “feel” like a girl yet (even though you know you are, or I guess want to be) that’s down to you, I think. But it’s also like, just because your body does not align with your actual gender doesn’t make you not that gender, or less deserving to be addressed as such.
I will say though, I find the phrase “get out of this guy body” a little funny; you will be heavily modifying that body to suit you, to be more comfortable and happy
Again, I understand not feeling like that yet, like it’s just what you want and not what you are, but your physical form and presentation do not determine your gender, people’s perception sure as hell does not determine your gender. That would be bad news for our boymoding comrades
I didn’t start taking E until 3 years after my egg cracked, but I came out to basically everyone over those 3 years waiting for HRT.
cw: Internalised transphobia
I felt a similar insecurity at first, that if I didn’t at least somewhat pass I wouldn’t deserve to be called a woman. I was horrified of how people would react, how likely it could become violent or abusive. But, as time passed and I figured out a lot of my internalised transphobia this feeling started to fade. I spent a lot of time experimenting with femme presentation during this time and that helped a lot with the feeling too. Not in public, but even the experimentation in private made me feel way better and more secure in my identity. It’s a lot harder to believe that you don’t deserve to be a woman when you’re spending hours every night creating the cutest hairstyles in the world. Even if I often felt like I wasn’t passing at all, that I was utterly and thoroughly masculine, the hairstyles gave me a spot of femininity to fixate on and having that made me feel like it was possible, that I could reach a point where I’d pass, but also that I didn’t need to care as much about passing so much as just, being and presenting myself.
But because of those insecurities, and also just a general sense of safety, the first place I came out was my online friend groups. I came out to my main friend group just a few weeks after my egg cracked (When one of my friends that I’d told earlier accidentally outed me, but I was glad for it since it made coming out easier). There was another friend group that I didn’t come out to for months since we VCed much more frequently and I was worried about the reaction if my voice didn’t pass. Eventually I did a few months later though, and no one really minded.
I then came out to my parents at around 6 months after my egg cracked. It was a shitshow that keeps on giving, but that wasn’t due to my not passing, that was due to my mother being very strongly transphobic.
This experience kinda stalled my ability to come out to people though. It took me a full year to come out to someone else. But… It went great. The person was very queer and we had kinda just started being friends a few months prior. But they immediately switched and were very enthusiastic about it. And they’ve since become my best friend and the person I love the most in the world
That experience, and a bit of support from them, helped me come out to other friends and later our classes. So I spent about a year and a half as an out trans woman at school before I started HRT. 6 months of which were before I was even on a waiting list for it.
Extra context for those curious
It taking me this long was mostly due to circumstances out of my control. Tl;dr the one clinic here that offered gender affirming care shut down the same month my egg cracked, and I couldn’t hide DIY from my parents. I basically started E the earliest that I reasonably could once a new clinic opened up, it was quite frustrating in the years between those clinics though.
I wasn’t presenting femme during this period since I couldn’t, but I also stopped being as worried about how people saw me when most people just, didn’t care. I’ve had some transphobes to deal with, but by and large most people just switched and were cool with it. It does help that I’m in a liberal arts school (I’m so sorry I’m a lib 😔…) But my experiences interacting with the other local schools were similar.
I also really can’t overstate how important my private tests with femininity and presenting femme helped me with feeling more secure in who I am. The first few months after my egg cracked I was basically constantly stressed about who I was. Having that outlet really helped emotionally (and it helped avoid embarassment later on)
Presenting femme in public didn’t really start until after I started HRT, but that was due to my living circumstances, I switched when I got kicked out and had reached a secure enough point to start buying clothes. Being out fully femme is hugely helpful though; it’s very hard to deny that you’re a woman when you get complimented on your very explicitly femme outfit by a cashier.
But even before that, a few months prior to being kicked out, I bought myself a dress and sent it to my best friend’s place where we had a little photoshoot and… It was the happiest I’ve ever been. It’s incredible how nice it can feel to just say fuck it and present how you want to, even if it’s just among friends. And being able to do so after 2 and a half years of pining for it, 6 years if you include the time I thought I was just a femboy, that feeling can’t really be described. It’s, well, utterly euphoric.
Sorry this ramble went a bit off subject, but I hope you found something worthwhile in it. I’m sure you’ll become a beautiful woman someday, though I’m also sure that you’re already beautiful and just don’t recognise it yet. 💜
I also really can’t overstate how important my private tests with femininity and presenting femme helped me with feeling more secure in who I am. The first few months after my egg cracked I was basically constantly stressed about who I was. Having that outlet really helped emotionally (and it helped avoid embarrassment later on)
I really hope I get the ability to test femininity soon.
I found the whole comment very worthwhile, thank you for sharing I hope so too.
I had the thought last night (and have kinda felt this way for a while)
Chat, how many trans women start out on E?
I wasn’t on estrogen until like a year after I came out, doesn’t mean I wasn’t trans. Not many lol!
Can I ask why? I can’t imagine asking to be she/her’d right now.
Uh, I am a funny autist, I had no regard for any risk to me as a result of coming out or whatever. I was a very willful child and very lucky as well.
The primary reason though is that he/him pronouns are mind poison and make me wanna die every time
I came out a year before I got on estrogen, but there was also a couple of months where I was on spironolactone, but not estrogen, and was still fulltime.
But the bigger question to me is, why not? Why wait till estrogen to get gendered properly? Sure, I didn’t really feel that I looked femme before estrogen, but people are happy to respect your identity and pronouns regardless, and being she/her feels good.
I went full time the day I took my first E. But realistically I could have went full time years before hand, I had boobs and hips all I would have needed was to grow my hair out again
No that makes sense, I’m not a fan of he/him either and I’m glad you are around such supportive people.
I feel like I’ll just struggle with coming out in general and I feel especially weird about hormones/how I’m looking
Well you’re allowed to go your own pace and do what makes you comfortable
If I may, especially weird howso? (If I may not, no pressure)
outdated/cis views of gender and being trans
Its hard to explain, but I guess I don’t/won’t see myself as a woman until I start presenting that way/passing (which will probably involve hrt
and maybe I won’t even then but I’ll try not to get too doomer on something I haven’t even started). I don’t know, I just feel like I’m a guy who wants to be a girl, not necessarily a girl trapped in a guy’s body (although I am trapped in this body). I’m probably not making sense. But I won’t see myself as a woman until I get out of this guy body. And I feel like a lot of trans people do view themselves that way, as being the gender they want to be before transitioning.I guess in general I feel like how I look (body/presentation) and am perceived is my gender, not what I wish I was. What I wish I was is just that, what I want. Not what I am.
ooh spicy
That’s sort of a thorny cross-section of personal views on gender with the facts of gender itself, I suppose… On the one hand, it’s true that many binary trans people do view it that way, and like, if you don’t “feel” like a girl yet (even though you know you are, or I guess want to be) that’s down to you, I think. But it’s also like, just because your body does not align with your actual gender doesn’t make you not that gender, or less deserving to be addressed as such.
I will say though, I find the phrase “get out of this guy body” a little funny; you will be heavily modifying that body to suit you, to be more comfortable and happy
Again, I understand not feeling like that yet, like it’s just what you want and not what you are, but your physical form and presentation do not determine your gender, people’s perception sure as hell does not determine your gender. That would be bad news for our boymoding comrades
spoiler + dysphoria
I’m a little surprised other people view it this way, it felt like I was alone in that.
I just don’t feel it, at least not now/yet. It feels so weird to say I’m a woman when I’m so… unwomanly.
Right now I wish I could just climb out of this corpse, but yea the best I can get is retrofitting it to be less bad.
I know it would be, and obviously I completely respect whatever feels best for other people.
When you’re ready you will, no rush and try not to be hard on yourself if you aren’t ready
A remainder to all out there.
You don’t have to be medically transitioning to be valid. You are valid no matter who you are.
I didn’t start taking E until 3 years after my egg cracked, but I came out to basically everyone over those 3 years waiting for HRT.
cw: Internalised transphobia
I felt a similar insecurity at first, that if I didn’t at least somewhat pass I wouldn’t deserve to be called a woman. I was horrified of how people would react, how likely it could become violent or abusive. But, as time passed and I figured out a lot of my internalised transphobia this feeling started to fade. I spent a lot of time experimenting with femme presentation during this time and that helped a lot with the feeling too. Not in public, but even the experimentation in private made me feel way better and more secure in my identity. It’s a lot harder to believe that you don’t deserve to be a woman when you’re spending hours every night creating the cutest hairstyles in the world. Even if I often felt like I wasn’t passing at all, that I was utterly and thoroughly masculine, the hairstyles gave me a spot of femininity to fixate on and having that made me feel like it was possible, that I could reach a point where I’d pass, but also that I didn’t need to care as much about passing so much as just, being and presenting myself.
But because of those insecurities, and also just a general sense of safety, the first place I came out was my online friend groups. I came out to my main friend group just a few weeks after my egg cracked (
When one of my friends that I’d told earlier accidentally outed me, but I was glad for it since it made coming out easier). There was another friend group that I didn’t come out to for months since we VCed much more frequently and I was worried about the reaction if my voice didn’t pass. Eventually I did a few months later though, and no one really minded.I then came out to my parents at around 6 months after my egg cracked. It was a shitshow that keeps on giving, but that wasn’t due to my not passing, that was due to my mother being very strongly transphobic.
This experience kinda stalled my ability to come out to people though. It took me a full year to come out to someone else. But… It went great. The person was very queer and we had kinda just started being friends a few months prior. But they immediately switched and were very enthusiastic about it.
And they’ve since become my best friend and the person I love the most in the worldThat experience, and a bit of support from them, helped me come out to other friends and later our classes. So I spent about a year and a half as an out trans woman at school before I started HRT. 6 months of which were before I was even on a waiting list for it.
Extra context for those curious
It taking me this long was mostly due to circumstances out of my control. Tl;dr the one clinic here that offered gender affirming care shut down the same month my egg cracked, and I couldn’t hide DIY from my parents. I basically started E the earliest that I reasonably could once a new clinic opened up, it was quite frustrating in the years between those clinics though.
I wasn’t presenting femme during this period since I couldn’t, but I also stopped being as worried about how people saw me when most people just, didn’t care. I’ve had some transphobes to deal with, but by and large most people just switched and were cool with it. It does help that I’m in a liberal arts school (I’m so sorry I’m a lib 😔…) But my experiences interacting with the other local schools were similar.
I also really can’t overstate how important my private tests with femininity and presenting femme helped me with feeling more secure in who I am. The first few months after my egg cracked I was basically constantly stressed about who I was. Having that outlet really helped emotionally (and it helped avoid embarassment later on)
Presenting femme in public didn’t really start until after I started HRT, but that was due to my living circumstances, I switched when I got kicked out and had reached a secure enough point to start buying clothes. Being out fully femme is hugely helpful though; it’s very hard to deny that you’re a woman when you get complimented on your very explicitly femme outfit by a cashier.
But even before that, a few months prior to being kicked out, I bought myself a dress and sent it to my best friend’s place where we had a little photoshoot and… It was the happiest I’ve ever been. It’s incredible how nice it can feel to just say fuck it and present how you want to, even if it’s just among friends. And being able to do so after 2 and a half years of pining for it, 6 years if you include the time I thought I was just a femboy, that feeling can’t really be described. It’s, well, utterly euphoric.
Sorry this ramble went a bit off subject, but I hope you found something worthwhile in it. I’m sure you’ll become a beautiful woman someday, though I’m also sure that you’re already beautiful and just don’t recognise it yet. 💜
I really hope I get the ability to test femininity soon.
I found the whole comment very worthwhile, thank you for sharing
I hope so too.