I know, I know okay that there are many people in bad situations or going through acute events that are terrible, and people with physiological depression but for many other people this negative malaise is self-inflicted. So many people who could be happy are focusing on and amplifying all negative parts of life, doomscrolling online, and then not taking the initiative to socialize or do things that would make them happy. This is reinforced by a culture where it is in vogue to play up your misery, and it turns into a game of one upsmanship.
The average person reading this can actually be happy, have friends, and do things instead of wallowing in a mental cage. I’m begging and pleading with people to make an effort to break out of this.
I wouldn’t call trying to make plans with friends and meet new people then end up being ghosted or ditched as not taking initiative to socialize but alrighty. It’s exhausting, and for nothing to come out of it for months on end makes it seem pointless.
I think what the poster is trying to say is that for most people perspective is a choice and can be changed by making small adjustments to your life. You can also make huge adjustments but most people won’t tolerate changing too fast.
The idea is that instead of the road to your goal being difficult and full of deception, its maybe that the goal itself is unreasonable or incorrect.
There’s a lot of talk about how to achieve ones goals, whatever they are, but not much talk towards setting realistic goals for yourself and being realistic with what you expect to get out of achieving those goals.
Edit to add: more to your point about trying to make friends, its possible that its because the goal doesnt make sense. In my experience, adults dont have time to make friends just for the sake of friendship. It would be more realistic to set a goal of attending some sort of social event or sport consistently for a year where you would be around people enough to develop friendships without any risk.
Also I think these days people looking to meet strangers to make friends are almost indistinguishable from scammers and fraudsters at first, so that could be part of the issue with the relationships you’ve tried to pursue if that applies at all.
I agree, but it’s frustrating to try to change perspective and make some changes while also seeing no results.
I’m in the college age group so I think it’s still somewhat realistic to make friends just for the sake of friends. I know people are busy with classes or work as so am I, but we can’t be THAT busy ALL the time. I probably exaggerated being ghosted but it’s happened so much that it’s infuriating. I know there are times where you just don’t feel like hanging out anymore on a particular day but at least give a raincheck if plans were made.
Maybe it’s also the few friends I have left or it’s the age group, but it’s tiring to just hear “nah hop on discord”. Like at this point I only have online friends left because we only socialize through online and playing video games while we could literally be going out doing something on the weekend. Had a conversation with a couple of them about it and they just see no reason to hangout irl. Maybe in person socializing isn’t important or valued.
I’ve definitely been on both sides of the ghosting thing, its hard to figure out why that becomes the easy choice. Maybe its just that people are hard and staying home alone is easy? Or maybe ghosting the person allows you to avoid any negative emotional consequences in the short term? I suppose you could try to reassure the person you aren’t upset with them.
For me I’ve noticed too that when I want to be left alone is when people won’t leave me be, and when I’m trying to find someone to do something with there is no one, so maybe it has something to do with expectation.
Right, being sad all the time is not a normal part of being an adult. If you are, then make some time to find stuff that makes you happy. I recommend sex, drugs, and rock & roll.
I currently see a therapist and have made serious changes in my life in the last year. Gratitude and things like that are things you can develop and practice. Yes depression and mental illness is real but it’s incredible the amount of change you can experience by consciously trying, if that includes therapists and medication then so be it.
I know, I know okay that there are many people in bad situations or going through acute events that are terrible, and people with physiological depression but for many other people this negative malaise is self-inflicted. So many people who could be happy are focusing on and amplifying all negative parts of life, doomscrolling online, and then not taking the initiative to socialize or do things that would make them happy. This is reinforced by a culture where it is in vogue to play up your misery, and it turns into a game of one upsmanship.
The average person reading this can actually be happy, have friends, and do things instead of wallowing in a mental cage. I’m begging and pleading with people to make an effort to break out of this.
I wouldn’t call trying to make plans with friends and meet new people then end up being ghosted or ditched as not taking initiative to socialize but alrighty. It’s exhausting, and for nothing to come out of it for months on end makes it seem pointless.
If you are being ghosted for months, it is time for a new approach.
I think what the poster is trying to say is that for most people perspective is a choice and can be changed by making small adjustments to your life. You can also make huge adjustments but most people won’t tolerate changing too fast.
The idea is that instead of the road to your goal being difficult and full of deception, its maybe that the goal itself is unreasonable or incorrect.
There’s a lot of talk about how to achieve ones goals, whatever they are, but not much talk towards setting realistic goals for yourself and being realistic with what you expect to get out of achieving those goals.
Edit to add: more to your point about trying to make friends, its possible that its because the goal doesnt make sense. In my experience, adults dont have time to make friends just for the sake of friendship. It would be more realistic to set a goal of attending some sort of social event or sport consistently for a year where you would be around people enough to develop friendships without any risk.
Also I think these days people looking to meet strangers to make friends are almost indistinguishable from scammers and fraudsters at first, so that could be part of the issue with the relationships you’ve tried to pursue if that applies at all.
I agree, but it’s frustrating to try to change perspective and make some changes while also seeing no results.
I’m in the college age group so I think it’s still somewhat realistic to make friends just for the sake of friends. I know people are busy with classes or work as so am I, but we can’t be THAT busy ALL the time. I probably exaggerated being ghosted but it’s happened so much that it’s infuriating. I know there are times where you just don’t feel like hanging out anymore on a particular day but at least give a raincheck if plans were made.
Maybe it’s also the few friends I have left or it’s the age group, but it’s tiring to just hear “nah hop on discord”. Like at this point I only have online friends left because we only socialize through online and playing video games while we could literally be going out doing something on the weekend. Had a conversation with a couple of them about it and they just see no reason to hangout irl. Maybe in person socializing isn’t important or valued.
I’ve definitely been on both sides of the ghosting thing, its hard to figure out why that becomes the easy choice. Maybe its just that people are hard and staying home alone is easy? Or maybe ghosting the person allows you to avoid any negative emotional consequences in the short term? I suppose you could try to reassure the person you aren’t upset with them.
For me I’ve noticed too that when I want to be left alone is when people won’t leave me be, and when I’m trying to find someone to do something with there is no one, so maybe it has something to do with expectation.
Right, being sad all the time is not a normal part of being an adult. If you are, then make some time to find stuff that makes you happy. I recommend sex, drugs, and rock & roll.
I’m not disagreeing but if it were as easy as that to be happy, then a lot more adults would be.
Sinking into an unhappy rut is easy. Being proactive takes effort.
Every time I see these “haha everything is miserable am I right?” kind of memes I reflexively feel a desire to push against it.
I currently see a therapist and have made serious changes in my life in the last year. Gratitude and things like that are things you can develop and practice. Yes depression and mental illness is real but it’s incredible the amount of change you can experience by consciously trying, if that includes therapists and medication then so be it.
I think part of this is that people who post about how happy they are look like they’re bragging.