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not nearly enough
Once a year? idk. not something I’m the most comfortable with given that I’m AMAB and still perceived that way. With my cis male friends they’d think I was just weird/not get it or reciprocate, cis women I feel would think I was coming on to them, and with other trans people its more comfortable but still not habitual. The way I grew up I feel like saying I love you was sacrosanct and it was cloying to say it outside of deep into a LTR
I’m also affected a lot by toxic masculinity. I think one thing that’s not pointed out as often is that older boys and men are not only not allowed to express their emotions outside of anger but also that they are not allowed to love unashamedly. Bell Hooks writes that men in a patriarchal society are seen as the dominator in the relationship (love for the patriarch is always assumed), therefore, to say “I love you” is tantamount to relinquishing that domination, even for just a moment.
I don’t think I’ve said I love you to anyone for years and realizing that is shocking.
realizing that is shocking.
it is, isn’t it? I had a really rough couple days recently and had a similar realization. I was able to say I love you to my friend who talked me through it all, and have it not be weird but even then I held onto a lot of tension about whether it would come off the wrong way or whatever, when there was really no chance of that, from both context and from our personal history.
I feel the exact same way you do on this. Not sure what to do about it. Mostly I’d just be worried about disrupting my friendships with women, but I can just be clear about my feelings and intentions and it should be no big.
(What good would my therapy if I can’t tackle this, eh?)
I think saying it and then clarifying immediately that you mean it platonically, is probably still better than not saying it. Its awkward/embarassing but so what. Its more important to express that love than it is to avoid 5 seconds of awkwardness. And the next time you say it to that person they’ll know your intentions already!
bold of you to assume i have friends
I don’t tell my friends I love them, but I tell some of them that I really appreciate them like twice a year maybe
Not enough
There’s this sort of dynamic when you’re cis and all your friends are cis where it just doesn’t happen
Luckily I have a comrade who will tell me they love me whenever they get the chance
Fr though, I’ve lost friends over using the word “love.” Platonic love is very important and underrated
never done that. i’ve never actually loved anyone in my life to be perfectly honest
Never, it is the curse of the cishet white man.
NOT ENOUGH
Whenever saying goodbye. Close to 20 people I know have died in the last 4 years and some were very close. Fentanyl is a fuck. So, yeah, you get to appreciate your friends when they start dying en masse
Not enough. My guy friends can be weird about it and I sometimes worry my girlfriends will take it the wrong way since most of us are 💅 and also just as a vestige from living as a “man” and being conditioned not to.
Friends? in this economy?!
A lot, we’re all furries
There"s less and less of them as I get older, but whenever I see them. Or the mood strikes me to text them.
I think roughly 50% of the time I say something along the lines of “Ok see you later, love you” after finishing a convo.
What’s this “friend” thing you keep speaking of? 🤔
