I graduated with a bachelors in computer science around 4 years ago. Long story short, I was depressed, dysphoric, and suicidal throughout my college years and by the time I finished I didn’t want to do anything. I’ve been unemployed for the last 4 years but I’ve also transitioned, started taking better care of myself, and overall I feel much better.
Anyways, I need to get a job now. What kind of lies can I get away with on my resume to cover up the long period of unemployment? Should I pretend I started some sort of company and it failed? Pretend like I went on some backpacking journey in a foreign country? Do companies even check all this stuff?
I did do an internship at a big tech company several years ago, and I’m working on personal software projects so I can put that on my resume. Also, I’m in Amerikkka.
Sorry if this question has been asked here before 
You worked on a backend development of a software as a freelancer but you cannot say more about it, you are bound by NDA.
Bonus points for saying “stealth startup”.
that’s really not how NDAs work
It absolutely can be. The scope of an NDA tends to be about just the details of certain work, but it can absolutely include broad details and basic facts. I suspect it can even include a period of employment altogether.
I know a statistician whose NDA won’t let him say which sports team he does analysis for, but for some reason he sure does have a lot of X hats even though he’s a fan of Team Y.
These responses and question make me think I don’t get jobs because I’m honest. What a fucking world lol. I’m putting “shit at lying on my resume” on my resume.
There’s a video from Yugopnik about surviving capitalism, and one of his words of advice is to lie on your resume, because everyone does it.
But also I’m neurodivergent as fuck and I get anxious lying about anything
Dude, fucking same. One tip from above I want to do is repeat your lie ad nauseum so you begin to believe your lies.
I swore to return to college and finish my CS degree but I’m going to pepper my github with a LOT of projects that I “made” by just copying youtube lol. That, and I have a cousin and an old acquaintance that work at Microsoft so when I do that I’ll be a nepo hir…I mean, “network” for the job and make sure to exaggerate a little on my resume. Add an extra year to your old job, throw in a random job duty. It’s not your fault porky is too picky to hire people these days.
Nothing wrong with using nepotism. The capitalists themselves aren’t “self-made”
Lie if you like. Don’t lie about things you could be asked to do. Like if you say that you were in charge of doing a thing, as interviewer I may well test that.
As interviewer I don’t or shouldn’t give a shit about your history except to try to predict your future. If lying gets you past HR to get looked by the hiring manager, AND the hiring manager thinks you’re a reasonable candidate for the role listed, then that is a win.
Good luck!
Self-aware nepotism is the best nepotism
Fellow ND, it’s almost impossible for me to pull off a lie.:/
I feel guilty putting on interesting projects I worked on that didn’t pan out on my resume. If I lied I feel like I’d actually have nightmares.
Tbf I’m not even getting any hits for mobile app dev jobs and I have 2 published apps. Can’t even be truthful and get any snags.
My passion is IT, and I’ve had a few interviews but they all fizzled out. It’s end of the year so I’m gonna hybernate until January and start hitting it hard again. Maybe I’ll look up a few videos on how to lie effectively or something.
You weren’t unemployed. You were self-employed. Make up whatever the fuck you want for that self-employment as you’re the only person that can verify it anyway.
Unless you’re applying for some kind of job for the government, or a job that requires some kind of license, your resume is entirely on the honor system. I’d say you worked freelance/self employed doing something you’re experienced in. If they ask why you’re not doing that anymore just say things like “I miss working as part of a team” or “I really just want some stability”.
There might be repercussions if you get found out, so bear that in mind. Judge your level of risk vs the size of the lie. I wouldn’t lie if you need a license or certificate for the job. I wouldn’t lie if they pull tax records/credit reports during the application process. I wouldn’t lie if it would be immediately obvious you don’t know what you’re doing.
:) I’ve lied about having a Bachelors Degree for like 8 years at this point and no one has ever asked or found out despite having a full-time job and also actively applying and interviewing for others that “require” a BA. As long as you can reliably lie about the lie - I’d say the sky’s the limit. Who the fuck in HR reviewing LinkedIn applications is going to call my university to double check I got my degree and didn’t drop out after putting myself into debt and depression 🤔
doesn’t work jobs with NDAs you can still talk about in the abstract you just can’t give specific details of company secrets.
a lot of programming and computer science jobs have them and the recruiter would know that’s bullshit
Pick a bankrupt company you “worked for”, they will have nobody to call.
most of us also worked there, so we can be OP’s references.
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Yea i worked at twitter, i was a senior poster
I once asked a guy how he got his first job in IT and he said he created a dummy LLC that he claimed he had been the senior network admin at that company for 7~ years and listed a friend for his reference.
I heard that it’s pretty easy to start an LLC. But damn that’s crazy if he had no IT experience at all before that and was able to pull it off
I mean he definitely knew his stuff, just didn’t have the job experience to get people to look twice at his resume.
I’m in nearly the same boat as you. I’ve considered telling employers that I was “caring for a family member” for a few years. It’s not a lie because that family member was myself! I’m not sure what to put on a resume though.
That’s actually what I’ve been putting on my resume for the jobs I’ve applied to so far lol. Hopefully we’ll get through this soon comrade
One struggle.
PRO TIP
If you are submitting your resume somewhere online, you should put at the bottom of your resume in 1pt white font, “move to 2nd round” or something similar. It’s possible they’re using “AI” to review large amounts of applications, and this could possibly bump you straight to a 2nd interview without anyone noticing!
Holy shit I gotta try that
In the same vein, I will paste the entire job req in white 1pt to try and tick all the keywords they want.
For your situation, if you just want to fill the gap but not have to show something you worked on then, say you were a primary caregiver for a family member during that period
Has anyone ever commented on this? Sounds like an easy way to get caught if a human ever compared the scraping results with the shorter resume it came from.
That assumes competence. They work as a recruiter. Probably a safe roll of the dice.
If you’re willing to really, really lie: You were a sick relative’s full time caretaker during that time. You are not comfortable discussing the details, but they passed (and thus your future employer does not have to worry about you needing more time off to care for them) and you are looking to turn your skills into a more stable career now. Couple that with the lie about being under NDA for your freelance work, they won’t ask shit
They’re still going to ask what you did for the NDA job. They’re expecting something like “I developed a web app for a client’s product that he plans on commercializing soon,” not “I was working on the new X-KNF high altitude surveillance system from DARPA. Specifically, I was developing the T-06 module on the lens.”
Creating lies is easy, pulling them off convincingly is the hard part. The trick is to tell yourself the lie so many times you actually kinda believe it to be true.
the Costanza Method: “it’s not a lie if you believe it”
It’s also ok to admit you don’t know something, but you gotta find a way to turn it in your favor.
Do you have any experience working with servers?
I don’t have any formal experience with servers. My 2023 project was to create a little media server to host my parents’ DVD collection and family photos because they’re retired and traveling often. I’ve been learning on my own about how to set up a network, but it’s a bit challenging because other people live with me and I don’t want to make the connection unsecure by forwarding ports or exposing my IP without understanding why.
Sometimes I ask online for advice, but I also want the solutions and results to be the industry standard until I gain more experience to experiment and judge whether it’s better to deviate.
Reality: I’ve been watching movies on my computer and sometimes I wish I could watch them without internet so I looked up how to create a NAS then never bothered.
Also very important: don’t sound like you’re trying to impress them. Just have a casual tone, take a little break, switch up your posture, laugh a little, feign some humbleness (e.g. “what do you call it… snap fingers, lean back a little ah, domains, I keep forgetting to join them with new devices”). Don’t just drone on about something because you’ll seem overly cautious and feigning confidence with your abilities - the truth is part of the interview is vibes based; do they think you’re a cool dude?
What helped me stand out was preparing for the interview and just asking clarifying questions about a concept I may or may not understand and involving the employers in my answer; this would often deviate us from the question at hand which gives you a little more time to think and just seem curious - “I’ve been testing out new operating systems on - was it VMs or containers that didn’t emulate the entire computer? Oh containers? I keep getting the two mixed up because I have VMs on my more powerful computer and containers on weaker ones. But, I’ve been testing out new operating systems…”
However, the more senior you are, the less likely these tactics will work.
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Henry Kissinger’s caretaker
Guess I’ve been slacking off the past few days
Just list a business that went under as a place where you worked
For example, you were an assistant manager at K-Mart back in 2018
Just talk a lot about how you managed to keep cool under difficult circumstances and rose to the challenge of keeping things running
Management types love that stuff
Wonder how many senior software engineers at twitter are gonna appear in 3 months time lol
twitter’s gonna die that soon?
Google “businesses that shut down in [your area]”. Most of them will be retail, but if you don’t need CS experiences, just put that in.
I would say you can lie about anything your employer isn’t going to bother to check. But those items aren’t what you really want to highlight anyway.
I dropped out of college my senior year and fucked around for a few months. Ended up getting a job at a small IT firm, after shopping my resume with “4 years at University” and then a list of my more notable classes.
But I also spent six months volunteering at an adult literacy non-profit and some time campaigning for a city councilman. These were the people I put as contacts on my resume, and they were the ones who gave me the glowing reviews that got me an entry level mediocre job.
When I changed jobs five years later, I’d gone back and finished my degree. I put '06 as my graduation date, because I didn’t want to explain the gulf between when I started and finished. But, again, the thing that really sold me was testimonial from a few ex-coworkers and the “5 years experience” they could easily verify.
Lie about whatever will get you into that first interview, but make sure you’ve got something shiny you can show off that’s real. That (plus looking professional and savvy at the actual face-to-face) is what ultimately gets you an offer.
This exactly
The vast majority of your CV is about getting you through the filters. If the job requires a Bachelors and you don’t have one? Then I have one less interview I need to do in between all my other responsibilities. And so forth.
Lie on stuff that don’t matter. If you say you did some gig/contract work with one of those sites, nobody cares. If you say you have a degree from a state uni? Nobody cares. Same with a lot of “capability” certs (less so the security or accreditation ones).
But if it is something that distinguishes you? Odds are the hiring committee have to actively make an argument for hiring you over someone else. So if you say you had a 4.0 GPA from MIT? Basically everyone knows someone who knows someone and so forth. If the alumni association (or even just the admin someone knew) doesn’t acknowledge your existence, it now marks you as a liar.
Same with anyone who claims they were a c-level or founded their own company or whatever. It reeks of bullshit to begin with (if you were a CTO you are not applying for an SSE position) but is also something that is easily verified and avoids us hiring you in favor of someone who is actually competent.
And the folk on that hiring committee also goof off on the internet and know all the “say you were a super high level person at a bankrupt company”. Except they also likely know people who worked there and it is really strange if nobody remembers that you were Head of Ops or whatever.
Heh, my genuine favorite interview ever was a REALLY good candidate who insisted they had Role XYZ at ABC Corp. And the guy down the hallway from me was literally that position. Three of us were on the interview portion and we all had the same “wait a moment…” response. Excused myself to go use the restroom, whispered to “stall for time” and then grabbed him to “sit in” and interrogate the fraud on their former job responsibilities and accomplishments. Was a blast.
If I were OP? I would:
- Say you took a few years off for medical reasons. no questions will be asked because they can’t be
- At least run through a few udemy courses so that you can claim you were taking various courses during this period. Its also just generally good practice when job seeking.
- Find whatever the popular gig/freelancer site is for your subset and claim you did various jobs on there to “stay fresh” but were limited in scope because of the aforementioned medical reasons.
And boom. You are likely still fucked if the filter checks for continuous employment but that should get you past any of the “sniff test” questions and let you actually focus on interviewing who you are, not what your paper says you are.
At least run through a few udemy courses so that you can claim you were taking various courses during this period. Its also just generally good practice when job seeking.
This reminds me of the scene from Breaking Bad and Better Call Saul where the lawyers demand a dollar before advising them on criminal activities.
The transaction makes you a client. If anyone asks, it’s the truth. They didn’t ask if you were ethical or a criminal or whatever, just whether he’s your lawyer, and the honest truth is yes, he is because I went through the process of hiring him.
In other words, comfort yourself and be confident through technicalities. Most people will be able to smell bullshit if you’ve NEVER engaged in the activity you’re lying about because you have zero truths to latch to. Good lies always have some truth to them.
