[on a blind date] You listen to a lot of NPR? That’s cool, I hear the tiny desk concert things are pretty good. What do I listen to? Well there’s this thing called Cum Town and today I caught an extended segment where an adolescent Ben Shapiro gets his prepubescent testicles crushed inside the ass of child sex predator Mr. Feeny from Boy Meets World and that’s the backstory to why Ben Shapiro’s voice is so shrill in the voiceovers for those Nissan car commercials. Wait, why are you leaving? I thought this was going well?