1.Israel stupidly keeps attacking everyone and US weapons supply runs dry. They get destroyed by their victims retaliation.
2.China actually decides to do something.
3.Russia does that Simpsons bit where robot Lenin breaks out of his grave. But says “Haha joke!” And continues being shitty and capitalist.
4.Ukraine does something stupid and Nazi-coded to get attention from US senpai.
5.The US accidentally nukes itself.
Y’know the saying “never get involved in a land war in Asia”? Pretty much everyone disregards that, and instead takes a page from Russia on consistently having the most troll-ish foreign policy.
Tuerkeeyeh leaves NATO and starts making moves on a pan-Türkiq alliance. Also they annex the parts of Syria heretofore held by their army and the FSA, effectively ending the 14-year civil war. Al-Assad al-Dimashq does the United Russia two-step and returns to the presidency in 2029.
Kashmir conflict pops off into outright war between India and Pakistan. China arms Pakistan, Russia arms India, the US advocates for India but arms both sides, not getting further involved because it’s staring China down across the Strait. The Naxalites are effectively defeated in detail, and flee to Nepal.
Yoon Suck Y’all gets doohickied (first as farce, second as farce), and the result ends up being that Koreas decide it’s a good time to reapproach. But that ends up meaning that they just allow a couple visas, the DMZ stays in place.
Poland yolos into the Ukrainian rump state, this time they’re the ones Partitioning. Russia is too busy holding off an insurgency in central Ukraine and proxy wars in Africa to contest western Ukraine.
The Sahel gets extremely hot, literally and figuratively. There are a few more cast changes from Guinea to the CAR but somehow they all stay really well-aligned with each other. France tries to do an intervention at some point and gets promptly chased out; this leads to their next election being 45% RN and 35% leftists. Sudan is the only Sahel country that doesn’t end up sovereign, they become a Russian proxy. With control over their mineral wealth, in the face of desertification they are able to avoid famine with increased grain imports from Russia and India, for now.
The UK gets involved in some AUKUS complication that makes the Triton missiles a pressing matter. Scotland is finally pressured to leave. Especially without the Labour strongholds in Scotland, Starmer immediately loses a vote of no confidence, but the party keeps pivoting to the right and stays in power for awhile, mirroring the Democrats in America.
Mexico, Nicaragua, and Venezuela start more brazenly breaching the Cuba embargo. Losing its grasp on Colombia, the US State Department tries to turn Guyana into its regional outpost but it’s too little too late, the pink tide gets redder with each passing year.
We end up getting new military juntas in Myanmar and Thailand, but also in Bangladesh and Cambodia too. India likes this “Asian Dictatorship Belt”, China and Vietnam aren’t happy about it but they don’t do anything about it. More CQC border shenanigans between China and India end up morphing into a cross between rugby and kabaddi. Deepfakes of Erdogan and Putin playing this sport are stunningly popular, and it becomes the 2nd most popular sport on the planet in the 21st century.
Japan keeps rearming, and they goad the Philippines into fighting a naval war in the SCS. The Philippines gets trounced but no border changes happen except for renouncing a claim on the Spratlys. Learning from this, Japan decides not to go after China, but BBM is deposed and the country careens into civil war, with the NPA starting to make gains. All throughout this, China still doesn’t make a move on Taiwan.
Israel strikes and kills at least 5 consecutive leaders of each of Iran, the IRGC, Hamas, Hezbollah, and Ansarallah. They still lose the war, and for the first time in 75 years, the grinding roller of settlement expansion is reversed, with a few more West Bank settlements closing down. Likud eats shit, Benny Gantz starts a “Moderate Party” that sweeps the election but continues to govern like fascists.
The international blockade on Gaza is de jure lifted, but de facto Israel still limits who and what comes in. Sea is the only way in because Egypt joins Israel in keeping the land border closed. The US spends a huge amount of resources propping up el-Sisi and MBS as open revolt pops up.
Kamala wins the election and makes Tom Cotton her secretary of state. She reinstates the draft, but instead of actually deploying, they build The Wall and set up a whole bunch more prisons for draft-dodgers.
I think the American bourg isn’t dumb enough to think war with China would end well and hasn’t figured out an exit strategy yet, but the problem is the military is getting increasingly stuffed with members of the least reality-tethered Christian subclades. Tension between the financier class and military’s Dominionist moiety builds until one of two things happens: the loonies get one of theirs into the top brass and we get a bloodless coup when the president voluntarily turns the reins over to the military, or capital’s contradictions build until the US finally implodes (likely because its fragile food production system collides badly with our increasingly volatile global weather patterns and causes another Dust Bowl) and we end up Mad-Maxing it while the rest of the world tries to keep us contained (option #5 fully on the table here). Regional conflicts continue to boil over and cause chaos in Eurasia in the meantime but nothing progresses to the point where we’re fully embroiled in a world war.
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- Land War in Asia
- “tactical nukes are fine, bruh” - they are not fine
- US goes down before Israel does
- We get a really dumb attempt at federating two countries, it works just well enough to not fall apart
- Ukraine goes down just before US does
- Humanity and capitalism survive, this is not dumb enough for our final round yet
a gas pipeline between Europe and Africa gets nordstreamed,
- I die within a few hours of the first nuke getting launched.
one could hope
Oh, I’m almost definitely getting one dropped in the vicinity if that happens.
Ukraine will very slowly lose its war against Russia, and Israel will very slowly lose its war against all of its neighbors. NATO and the US will turn on Israel at the absolute last second so they can pretend they’re on the right side of history, which will convince nobody, but all state governments will play along because it’s just easier that way. A bunch of seemingly unrelated countries in South America and Africa will adopt anti-US foreign policies, publicly using rhetoric about the US-backed genocide against the Palestinian people, but practically because the US was revealed to be a paper tiger. China will get 90% of the rebuilding contracts and experience a post-war economic boom, but it won’t be as notable as the US’s WW2 boom because China’s economy is already so large and rapidly growing. The US will continue to think of itself as a great world power despite no longer being one, like Britain.
It’s possible another US-backed front opens up, but I actually don’t think that’s so likely, as a Harris admin would be a continuation of the Biden admin, which is presumably already getting all the wars their backers want, or a Trump admin would fail to put together a war again. If the US does start another war, it’ll be even more secondary than Ukraine/Russia, and accelerate the same conclusions as before. Unless the US actually starts a war over Taiwan, which I think is very unlikely because literally nobody benefits, but wars like that have happened before, and if it does then the results will probably be the same as outlined above but faster, but the chances of that going nuclear are high enough that I’m moving to a cave in the mountains if it happens.
All of this will of course be a stream of horrors for anyone anywhere near the fighting.
One thousand years of Cold War. Nothing ever happens.
Hopefully, the YanKKKee reich will not even live to see its 250th anniversary. They will never get their thousand-year-reich (humanity will literally go extinct before it happens)
I’m hoping no one bothers to nuke Australia much, mostly.
That’s all I got, let’s On the Beach this shit. “This is how the world ends. Not with a bang, but with several bangs and a fart noise”
Fart with reverb
Scott Morrison flees to the outback to try and save his own ass, accidentally runs into the Pine Gap perimeter and gets domed by a trigger happy seppo security guard.
He ascends to Hillsong purgatory, which I believe is a 24/7 never ending Australian Idol season, he’s stuck in the live audience and the exits are locked.
imagine getting Young Diva’d for an eternity lmao
fyi sat next to Rikki Lee on a plane once, she was very nice
24/7 never ending Australian Idol season, he’s stuck in the live audience and the exits are locked.
That’s just wrong! He should get eight hours of sleep a night and one hour exercise a day to prolong the amount of days of 24/7 Australian Idol he suffers.
I don’t think the US has the logistical capabilities to wage a direct war against an industrial power
Wait, you’re saying mostly-digitized and totally-financialized monopoly capital amounting to pieces of paper saying I own those means of industrial production, which are all outsourced into the hands of and operated by those imperialized and neo-colonized industrial countries who would become belligerent against us in a direct war, ISN’T sufficient enough to win a war?
Those are warring words!! 
Neither do I- but I definitely think they have the arrogance and malice to try despite it all. All they have left is terrorism (nuclear MAD, supporting literal terrorists or acting as the terrorists themselves, genocide, etc), and they’ll try to use it as best as they can, probably.
at this point I assume we have also outsourced our weapons manufacturing to china but still expect them to continuing exporting said weapons during any future conflict so that we may use them on them
This is why nukes are the only options left for the US.
I’m going 1.
They’re going to abandon Ukraine but Azov will escalate as insurgents and maybe abroad.
Zionists will overextend their fronts and suffer losses that the US won’t be prepared or able to turn around. They might resort to nukes on the way down. Probably.
Would be peak doomerisn if the current Communist Party of Russia managed a miracle and became head of government, only for them to be just as reactionary as the current government and just as capitalist.
They’d shoot themselves in the foot over and over again over hating trans people and other culture war key jangles.
Would be pretty funny for them to do that and then get couped by the former hardliner remnant party that did the 1991 coup (and is pro LGBT)
hardliners take my energy
former hardliner remnant party that did the 1991 coup (and is pro LGBT)
NGL, hearing of this… some more hope for Russia and humanity restored.
The RCWP-CPSU are good comrades.
big drop in real estate prices in 2027 is all i know for sure
us will nuke itself, probably the west coast, and blame a foreign nation, as an excuse to glass as much as possible. eco-fascism follows, big chunks of the world turned into a cratered smear, the rest exploited down to its remaining yield, then we all fucking die
also we’ll get sent to work for a big corporation and that’s just your job now or else. feudalism but corporate and worse
I’m from San Diego and I say kill em allI’m doing my part!
Reading about the time in 1961 the US almost nuked itself in North Carolina
We’re not fully sure of the number, but somewhere between 3 and 20 modern day nukes will be enough to start a global winter where everyone dies anyway. If any kind of nuclear war starts out, even a teeny tiny one, most-to-all of humanity is fucked.
Somebody more knowledgeable correct me, but wasn’t the whole nuclear winter thing debunked already?
I’m not saying we won’t get our hair mussed
Same as my prediction for hockey post-season: Boston gives Toronto a first-round exit.
maybe the Kraken can win it allStale script. I think it will be Rangers or Carolina this year.
It’s basically a free-space, but America will escalate/start another genocide. Maybe we speedrun Poland to looking like Ukraine is now?
God I fucking hope not :despair:
