Couple months ago I met a woman who works at a dispensary I visit about once a week. We hit it off really well. Despite trying to just keep it casual sex, and that only, I ended up developing some feelings for her. She confessed the same to me. I even introduced her to my teenaged daughter, for fucks sake.
I ran into her this evening at a gas station, with another guy, who turns out to be her husband. They’ve been married five years, and have two children together, ages 4 and 2. Finding out they have kids just made me feel disgusting.
So, I told him. He didnt believe me until I described a tattoo in a somewhat intimate place on her body. I had no fucking clue she was married. I think I ruined someone’s marriage. Or at least took part in ruining one.
I feel guilty. I am sorry for what I participated in. Am I a bad person?
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Sounds like a cheater got mad.
christian moralism is when you think people shouldn’t be unknowingly stuck in a relationship with someone who has no respect for them
nah dawg that is not your relationship. you overstepped. greatly. wtf.
i know it’s not my relationship, i wasn’t involved. i am an internet person who has never met any of the relevant people commenting from a third party neutral perspective.
when someone is being deeply wronged and they don’t know about it but you do, you are (in my opinion) morally obligated to inform them. and this is a very common point of view. it is extraordinarily normal for a person who is being cheated with to find out that the person they’ve been in a relationship with already has a partner and to then seek out that partner and inform them. it is standard practice. 99% of people agree that it is the correct course of action.
cheating sucks. don’t cheat and you won’t have to worry about your partner being informed of your cheating
If you know your partner cheats on you you can start moving on and enjoy new relationships. Life is short, dating is increasingly hard as you grow up, so wasting time in an exclusive relationship being cheated on is horrible when you know you could’ve experienced love with other people if you simply knew
you could’ve also been cheating that entire time too. donny blame someone else’s actions for your own decisions in life. you are responsible for yourself and your decisions when it comes to inter-personal relationships, full stop.
You seem to have issues with the “ethical” part of non-monagamy. Cheating on your partner (aka, sleeping with other people without their consent), is not ethical. The ethical thing to do is to ask for that consent, and to break it off if you cant get it and you need to be with/sleep with other people.
Something tells me I shouldn’t need to explain this
Edit : Okay I get it youre against the monogamous patriarchal structure of marriage. I’m too actually, but as long as you get into a relationship with a partner that promises exclusivity it’s absolutely unfair to live a better life and prevent them to do so too. That’s the actual problem, instead of opening the relationship honestly and both live a better life outside the bonds of marriage you keep the other unable to do so and that’s wrong.
While there is potentially more nuance to this, and maybe it could have been handled with a smidge more tact,I don’t see why a betrayal of trust like cheating shouldn’t be reported to the people affected by it only because there is a power imbalance in patriarchal society Obviously,you should make sure the person you’re outing wouldn’t be put in danger by this first,but it’s definitely not something to be excused
I mean, if someone were to be put in danger by being exposed- wouldn’t that be a pretty damn good excuse?
there’s any number of reasons people “cheat” and main one is that the very idea of monogamy and cheating stands from patriarchal monotheism and the fact that through ask of human history large numbers of adults have “cheated” or lived in non-monogamous societies shows that the idea that it is “BAD” to cheat it moralistic and idiotic.
Pretty sure my wife would be mad at me if I cheated on her. Is she an agent of the patriarchy?
Non ethical non monogamy is no different from patriarchal monogamy. Get outta here with your bad takes that because toxic monogamy exists it’s okay to be a lying sack of shit to your partners. Non monogamy is great but it has to be done ethically and consensually or it’s just a different style of bad
Monogamy long predates patriarchal monotheism. Jews didn’t invent marriage. And while there have always been cultures without strict monogamy, there have also always been cultures with strict monogamy - and often these can exist in the same culture. How that makes the voluntary choice to be monogamous universally bad and therefore cheating is universally good I don’t know.
I agree,but under the current monogamous paradigm, people are going to feel hurt and betrayed by this sort of behavior
So,even considering this,it would have been reasonable to expect that she would have told him beforehand
Until a more enlightened age arrives,where more types of human connection other than monogamy will be commonplace, we can assume most people will have been socially conditioned to expect an exclusive arrangement and may not wish to take part in less conventional types of relationships and then act accordingly
Yeah,I didn’t word that correctly
I meant that it shouldn’t be excused unless that is the case
Ending it quietly is cowardly and unethical.
Hopefully they solve their relationship issues.
Nah, definitely not with such young kids involved.