The SW Sequels. I admit that I didn’t hate TFA, but the other two were very very very shit.
The prequels as well.
I would disagree. The prequels told a story that deserved to be told and was mostly internally consistent. The tone was different from the original trilogy, but they are still decent, if flawed, works.
The sequels are fanboy level writing.
The prequels told a story that deserved to be told and was mostly internally consistent.
Hard disagree on both.
Most of them.
Marvel movies and well basically all of Hollywood are basically a massive money laundering scheme under the auspices of the DOD/USAF.
Ask GPT. Even it knows.
I’m gonna go in a different direction than everyone else here.
Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse Of The Black Pearl
is a big budget movie that had absolutely no business getting made, because:
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Pirate movies have always been box office poison. Less than a decade earlier, Cutthroat Island made the Guinness Book of Records as the biggest box office bomb of all time, the latest in a series of pirate-themed failures. The only vaguely pirate-themed movies that had ever had anything you’d call success was Muppet Treasure Island and Goonies, and you could argue that Goonies wasn’t really a pirate movie, it had some pirate theming in it. In 2002, Disney’s Treasure Planet, basically Treasure Island IN SPAAACE had proven a box office flop. Treasure Planet is a well-written, well-made, well-advertised, well-reviewed pirate movie that failed at the box office. What idiot would bankroll another pirate film?
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It was a movie based on an old ride at Disney World. It was their fourth attempt at this, they made a TV movie based on Tower of Terror in 1997 that they’re apparently not proud of, 2000s Mission To Mars was a “commercial disappointment” and 2002’s The Country Bears was a critical and commercial flop. Yeah the year before they made Pirates of the Caribbean, Disney made a G-rated pastiche of the Blues Brothers out of The Country Bear Jamboree. They decided to do that and nobody stopped them. No movie based on a theme park attraction had ever made its money back.
The public’s reaction to the announcement was “They’re making a movie based on WHAT?” This wasn’t going to work. This movie had no business being made.
The film achieved massive critical and commercial success as the 141st highest grossing movie of all time taking $654.3 million against it’s $140 million budget and spawning four sequels.
Everything you said was why it made so much. No one saw it coming and it was entertaining. I still think the first two are solid. After that it fell off. But the third is decent just because of Jack Sparrow’s father being Keith Richards.
You can bag on all you want but it’s movie. The main objective is to entertain. And it does that on many levels. It’s not necessarily cinema but most of these movies are not considered high class cinema. They are blockbusters whose main objective is to make money while entertaining.
Oh I thoroughly enjoyed the film. I went to the theater to see it 8 times, with 5 different girls.
It turned out fantastic. But it had absolutely no business being made. And that was the assignment of this thread.
The first one, in terms of cinematic story telling, is actually incredibly good (I don’t know how much that contributed to things); if you’re interesting, this video essay points out a bunch of stuff I hadn’t noticed, the first time: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zhdBNVY55oM.
Also, entirely agreed about the first two.
Treasure Planet is a well-written
Ehhh…; don’t get me wrong: I still absolutely love it. But I absolutely get why it flopped, too.
I loved that Tower of Terror movie. Knowing the lore made the ride so much better once I finally got to experience it.
It’s apparently not available anywhere, no streaming service carries it.
Stremio carries it:
But to be fair, it’s a piracy service, so it carries everything. But a damn good one, though. So much so that I canceled all my streaming services and just use Stremio now.
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Everything Marvell
The Room starring/produced by/executive produced/screenwritten/bankrolled by Tommy Wiseau
Hehe, any money for that movie is big budget.
precisely
Maybe vampires?
Gods of Egypt is tone deaf CGI bloated slop and I fucking love it. Just a fun movie for me.
I know it’s utter garbage to most, not even fun bad. I’m just a total sucker for fantasy derived from Egyptian gods/lore no matter how cheesy.
$140 million budget and just barely made it back at $150.6 million.
Cats (2019)
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Directed by Tom Hooper, a guy who doesn’t know shit about cinematography but somehow had two previous films gain critical ablation despite this.
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Released years, even decades after the West End and Broadway shows had been discontinued.
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Relied heavily on a star-studded cast featuring Ian McKellen, Rebel Wilson, James Corden, Idris Elba, Judi Dench, Jason Derulo and Taylor Swift.
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Horrifically bad CGI which costed an absolute tonne to produce because Hooper was an arrogant arsehole and didn’t listen to the people on his crew who actually handled special effects for a living.
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Most of the songs are significant downgrades compared to the original stage show, i.e. musical vs film version of Magical Mr Mistoffelees.
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Morbius
Watching it flop, then become a meme, then the studio thinking it was attracting an audience because it was being mentioned a lot, to release it again only to have it flop again was just decadent.
…But then we would have seen the main character morb all over everyone!
Cowboys and aliens.
Man pitched this fever dream of an idea in 97, was laughed out of the room.
Folks only agreed with the same guy to make it in 2006 after seeing it was based on a best selling comic book.
That comic book was written by the person who initially pitched the idea in 97. He practically paid comic book stores to carry and give away the comic book so it’d be a “best seller”.
Movie execs got hoodwinked lol
not sure if it was “big budget” but Madame Web.
It was, essentially, a Spider-Man prequel that simply didn’t need to happen story wise. It introduced a bunch of characters from the comics that do indeed have Spider-Man like powers but in the film they simply “suggest” it. You had a villain whose entire purpose for doing what he did was he had a dream where said “spider people” killed him. You had Uncle Ben shoed in to simply say to the audience 'hey, HEY ASSHOLE! look…It’s a Spider Man Prequel!" and THAT was the ONLY connection to Peter Parker.
It’s like having a Star Wars Prequel where Uncle Owen is in it and he’s hanging out with a bunch of people who could potentially be Padawans but we’re not sure and they’re being hunted cause some random Sith had a dream that sure, they could potentially be Jedi one day. Now none of them actually are but they COULD be one day, just not in this movie.
I know your Star Wars comparison was to reinforce your point, but that does sound like a plausible plot for a legit Star Wars movie that I’d watch.
‘Live action’ remakes of animated classics, or any remake of an already good film.
Remake the ones that had potential. but failed in the execution.
It’s how Disney retains the trademark on the product. Like, Snow White, for instance. If the trademark was coming up, they’d rather crap out a bad movie then let the IP go to public domain.
They shouldn’t be allowed to take out a trademark on public domain characters.
And the only IP of any note we got out of it is :: checks my notes:: a Winnie the Pooh slasher pic…
There’s a Mickey mouse and at least 2 Popeye ones now, too.
All those Disney live action remakes are sooo bad. People just don’t have the expressiveness of cartoon characters. The Lion King was the worst. The characters were animated and still wooden
I hated aladdin, the monkey and parrot were two of the best characters and without the comically over-the-top ‘acting’ they are completely different characters.
I think Christopher Robin and maleficent were good. As long as they’re telling a new story it’s fun to see the old characters. When it’s just the exact same plot but a little darker and live action over animation it’s so dumb. Our CGI just ain’t good enough to justify that.
They’re remaking Moana already, and still a new movie, relative.
Moana is all about the musical performances. I love the whole movie but what is on the screen just kinda punctuates and gives context to the music for me. Frozen is the same way. And they’re thinking they are going to remake all that music and have it be just as good?
It would be like trying to remake The Blues Brothers with Dwayne Johnson and Jason Statham just because the original is 40 years old.
The Cinderella one slapped. But that was the first one, and it was successful because it was made with care and thoughtful intention. Disney has been chasing that sucess ever since
Ever after will be the #1 live action Cinderella for me. That said I didn’t mind the first one they came out with.
Live action remakes are the end point of capitalism in media. Take something that
people likedmade money, and do it again with the same formula but a fresh coat of paint. No need to hire writers or spend time making a good story, just use the last one. No risks were ever taken.You actually wrong about this one. Those movies make bank. Suburban moms ruin everything.
The Emoji Movie
Yes. You look at the title of the movie and you go, nope.
You just know there’s some producer out there who is salivating over minion merch.
It honestly was fine for a kids movie. The story was so generic that it was impossible to mess up and would work with any character/setting.
I was disappointed with how boring it was. They should’ve leaned way more into the emoji aspect.
Let me write the script. Id tackle it with the “anything goes” energy and it would be non-stop crazy nonsense.
Every Jurassic Park movie after the 2nd one.
JP3, yes. I liked the original Jurassic World, but they’re getting a bit tiresome now. It’s clear it’s a money grab.
The Last Jedi.
I left the theatre angry that they spent enough money to take mankind back to the moon on something that stupid.
I can’t leave it at that. I have to add some details.
Both the empire and the rebels repeatedly made tactical decisions so stupid a five-year old would know better. The opening battle involved sending unprotected bombers against a ship with anti-bomber defences and keeping the enemy commander talking on the phone to delay his response. That works in a Mel Brooks movie, not in Star Wars.
They killed a fan-favourite character off-screen. What, was the puppet too old to reprise its role?
The empire’s main guy decided to chase the rebels down instead of destroying them immediately. For fun, I guess.
Phasma’s a badass. Except that she capitulates at the first sign of personal danger.
All Holdo had to say was “yes, there’s a plan. Not telling you what because of operational secrecy”. Instead she expected Poe to blindly follow orders when he’d already shown he couldn’t do that.
“Oh no, the sacred texts!” …that you attempted to burn a moment ago.
My favorite bit:
Leia gives Rey a pendant and tells her that she can use that to track them wherever they go.
In the SAME SCENE, with NO CUTS, they are tracked by the first order and shout “THAT’S IMPOSSIBLE!”
You just described, IN THE SAME SCENE, how it is, in fact, possible.
Bonus: Putting a tracker in the Falcon was how the Death Star found Yavin IV in the very first movie.
All Holdo had to say was “yes, there’s a plan. Not telling you what because of operational secrecy”. Instead she expected Poe to blindly follow orders when he’d already shown he couldn’t do that.
Well, he did fine following orders in the first movie, and then they changed the entire character in the second movie but kept the same name. I have no idea why they did that.
It’s the movie equivalent of trolling.
I highly highly recommend this video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CuuDTnMPMgc
I think you’ll like it a lot. I realized that bathos is what I hated about the Last Jedi. They killed so many truly deep moments to have stupid jokes. They couldn’t let anything just be serious. It ruined the tone of the movie, couldn’t decide if they wanted to be a comedy or a drama, and so they did neither.
That works in a Mel Brooks movie
Good. Our first laugh of the day.
You expect a movie director only interested in pretty scenes to write a good plot!?
… your name must be Kathleen Kennedy…
Isn’t Kathleen the producer? It was directed by Ryan Johnson
Yes, and she gave Ryan Johnson full control and backed up his lameass girlboss and “subverting expectation” BS in pressers after.
She even joined in on calling everyone that said the sucky movie sucked misogynists.
I don’t think this is entirely accurate. I know ultimately Kathleen called a lot of the shots and was very meddling in the production and I thitk Ryan was trying to do something original after seeing what a superficial piece of garbage TFA was. Ryan is actually a good writer / director.
And yet… it’s my favorite post-OT movie. It could’ve used another draft to tighten a couple things up here and there, but it was good.
Now… TRoS is one of the worst films I’ve ever seen in my life and is the only Star Wars property I’ve only seen a single time and never will watch again. Hell I watched Book of Boba Fett twice. Shit, I’ve watched In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale twice. I’d have to go back to Battlefield Earth to think of an equally terrible film.
But when watching The Last Jedi I feel nothing but joy.
Is this the one with horses in space?? I fuckin hated that. Perfectly encapsulated the overdone-ness of it all
No, the horses were in Rise of Skywalker.
The Last Jedi was the one with the “Can you hear me now?” gags, and Luke tossing the lightsaber away.
I think they meant the horse-like things on the casino planet.
Oh god, right enough, I’d forgotten about those, and that whole casino thing! God damn, I hated that movie…
thats the 2nd best star wars movie
I’ve given my reasons, how about you give yours?
I can.
Luke’s arc is exactly as he predicted back in Empire and ROTJ. He found peace and defeated his foe using the force in a peaceful way and helped them escape in redemption. Redemption from the horrific way he wanted to kill his disciple out of fear.
Rey and Kylo had legitimate struggles with who they were. A character arc of not knowing who was truly bad or good and the internal struggles with figuring that out.
The battle scene with the imperial guards with Rey and Kylo was one of the best cinematic battle scenes in Star Wars for me.
The vision quest of Rey was legit eye opening on her character and not foreshadowing anything. Great way to tell a story.
The flashbacks with Kylo and Luke changing what happened throughout the story was a good story telling device. I forget what story type it is, but it see saws 3 times until we find out what really happens.
I know it’s not a popular opinion. But I do enjoy this movie so much more than the prequels in terms of execution and emotional connection.
8 was better than 7, and it set up the possibility of an amazing 9.
Then jj abrams shat all over everything.
I see why they made it but really the ip must be toxic because there’s no reason they cant make these movies.
+ Rogue One.
WTF Rogue One is awesome
Rogue One is a shitfest for a variety of reasons:
The original writer director didn’t start with a script, he started with a supercut of other sci fi films and used that to make a script.
Even when he had a script, he spent an hour a day shooting off script for things that looked cool, but served no purpose.
So when the first trailers came out, they were full of gibberish footage that was never actually used in the movie.
https://www.polygon.com/2017/1/6/14195898/rogue-one-star-wars-trailer-jyn-erson
Then he got fired and a new writer director was brought in, one who said his super power was he never liked Star Wars.
https://theplaylist.net/tony-gilroy-rogue-one-podcast-20180405/
“Because that was my superpower. A) I don’t like ‘Star Wars’—not that I don’t like it, but I’ve never been interested in ‘Star Wars’ ever, so I had no reverence for it whatsoever, I was unafraid about that and they were in such a swamp… they were in so much, terrible, terrible trouble that all you could do was improve their position.”
So you get conflicting scenes, one where Cassian has no trouble murdering an innocent informant, but not long after gets all sweaty and conflicted when it’s time to assassinate a legitimate military target.
https://youtu.be/LORtuZ0ISF4#t=48s
vs.
No character growth, no arc, just in one scene he has no trouble murdering an innocent guy WHO HELPED HIM BTW, but later refuses to take out a military target HE WAS SUPPOSED to kill.
To say nothing of crapping all over the iconic opening of Star Wars by having Vader watch the Death Star plans fly away, personally, with his own eyes.
It’s pretty funny that it still turned out to be the best Star Wars film since the OG trilogy.
Empire Strikes Back is similar in it’s excellent story which somehow survived the shitstorm of fuckups and changes
I dunno, I think the best of the Disney versions is still Force Awakens. The big complaint is “Well, it’s just Star Wars…” which is true… but it’s Star Wars without George Lucas. They had to prove they could do what Lucas did without Lucas and I think they succeeded in that.
Then Last Jedi shit the bed. Then Carrie Fisher died which painted them into a corner with Rise of Skywalker. Force Awakens was Han, Last Jedi was Luke, Rise of Skywalker was supposed to be Leia… 😢
The Force Awakens is just “A New Hope [Remix].” They didn’t “do it without George Lucas,” they just took what George did and put it through the JJ Abram’s filter.
This. Force awakens is star wars by algorithm.
No character growth, no arc, just in one scene he has no trouble murdering an innocent guy WHO HELPED HIM BTW, but later refuses to take out a military target HE WAS SUPPOSED to kill.
Yeah, it’s almost like the target he was about to assassinate could be the only person in the galaxy who knows how to take out the weapon he just witnessed level a city.
To say nothing of crapping all over the iconic opening of Star Wars by having Vader watch the Death Star plans fly away, personally, with his own eyes.
Those two scenes line up perfectly and imo are quite satisfying when watching the two films back to back. In what way does Rogue One’s ending “crap all over” A New Hope’s opening?
In Star Wars, Vader interrogates Leia, he talks about the plans being transmitted, not that he saw them personally be stolen.
He’s also ragged on by Motti for not having found the tapes when Rogue One puts him in the same hallway with them.
Speaking of… he force grabs every one and every thing in that hallway except the ONE THING he’s there for. Vader is not that STUPID.
The Death Star Plans have plot armor, they HAVE to get away, don’t put them in the same hallway as Vader and don’t make them a physical object that can be grabbed.
I’m not going to read all that shit: Rogue One was fucking awesome.
about 2/3 of what they’re saying is about the production and trailers before the movie was released. Other critiques about no character growth for Andor, but not mentioning Jyn’s arc at all.
Also Rogue One brought us Andor, so even if it was a terrible movie, it spawned some of the best TV in the last 5 years, which says a lot about the movie and the characters.
Also no character growth for Andor while also complaining that he kills a guy in cold blood but then doesn’t kill Galen later under orders. And then breaks orders again because he put his faith in Jyn and not the Rebels.
Rogue One is a good movie and I don’t care about production issues. It made the Empire far more menacing than even the OT did. Peak Vader. Peak Death Star. Even peak Stormtroopers.
Yeah I didn’t want to analyze that too much, but the circumstances were completely different. The first guy he had to kill for his own preservation. The second time he was under no threat and starting to defy orders and listening to Jyn. It’s almost like a nitpick for the sake of picking things apart.
Which is why you’ll never know Rogue One is trash. LOL.
Yep I walked out of the theater about halfway in
Same. I got as far as “Yer a
wizardrebel now!” and was like “Nope!” Took 3 full tries before I finished it.The Rebel Moon movies are better than Rogue One and that’s saying something.
The Rebel Moon movies are better than Rogue One
Woah slow down there. I can understand not liking Rogue One, but no way the trash that is Rebel Moon is better.
Rebel Moon is worth it just to see the Space Nazis get wrecked. LOL.
I tried watching new star wars and they were all so boring. I remember from childhood pod racing and that red guy with double light sabers.
I now see that people liked star wars for it’s story, but for me it was just a cool space fantasy. That nostalgia didn’t transfer for me.
I don’t very well remember the plot of the first three of the new movies, but I remember being bored, they felt slow and there were no hooks to make me care. After watching the third movie I just said fuck it and gave up.
I might try and watch the old movies as a grown up, but at this point I’d rather rewatch Shrek after work then gamble on a franchise I probably won’t like.
You take that back! It spawned andor which is also amazing. Rogue one proves they can actually make a gritty star wars film that shows a broken universe wouldn’t be all good vs evil bullshit.
I didn’t think I could dislike Rogue One until I watched Andor. After finishing Andor and then rewatching Rogue One, I felt disappointed that it wasn’t quite as good.
Not that it means Rogue One is a bad Star Wars film, but that Andor is just that good. I don’t think they’ll ever make another piece of Star Wars media that can surpass it.
Battleship. It’s just such a bizarre license for a movie, and certainly one nobody ever asked for. (Well, outside Hasbro execs clearly desperate for another Transformers-level hit.)
Oddly watchable in a big dumb fun kind of way, at least. And hey, it has Jesse Plemons not playing a total sociopath, so that’s neat.
Watching an Iowa-class battleship do things is always fun.
I’m still waiting for the film adaptation of Checkers.
Hey Gemini, in the style of the 2012 movie Battleship, create a screenplay based on the board game Hungry Hungry Hippos.
Like the Queens Gambit but checkers would be hilarious
All I need to know is, does anyone say, “You sank my battleship!”?
Yes, they work in the line “they’re not gonna sink this battleship!”. When you’re committed to this absurd premise, you pretty much have to say it.
Ikr‽ That like Mike movie really painted him into a corner at an early age. His career still hasn’t escaped the type casting…
It’s shit but also entertaining. I kinda wanna watch that one again.
I like it. It’s like junk food, you know it’s bad, but it’s still nice when you get the craving for something bad.
Yeah I’m not even sure why I watched it, it looks so bad. But it’s entertaining as heck, and well worth watching again
