I have a relative who’s son, about 10 year old, seems to be fond of me. He is an avid talker. He will talk about anything and everything with me. Problem is, he doesn’t understand that I’m an introverted piece of shit. Even though I like being with him when I feel like talking, other times I can’t match his energy and feel exhausted. To just ignore what he’s saying and stop responding all of a sudden makes me feel bad. He’s really a good kid. How do I tell him to give me a break without hurting him?
Be direct and honest. “Hey, buddy, I want to hear what you have to say, but I’m feeling a little overwhelmed right now.” Kids learn from the example you provide, and expressing your feelings in a positive and honest way is how he’s going to learn to do the same.
I would also suggest you put that energy to good use. Kids enjoy feeling helpful and a part of the process. If he’s rambling on, you don’t need to send him away. He’s just excited to share with you. Maybe ask if he wants to color with you while you talk, or ask if he just wants to sit with you a while. Maybe he’ll get bored and run off to do something else, or he’ll sit with you and just enjoy the peaceful moments. Either way, it’s his decision to respect your boundary, creating a healthy relationship.
If, on the other hand, he doesn’t respect your boundary, eg you ask him for a moment and he just keeps talking over you, it’s not impolite to ask him to pay attention to your request and respond. You’re not his parent, so you’re not responsible for discipline or manners, but it’s helpful to a child if you explain to him how he’s making you feel. “It doesn’t seem like you heard me. I said I am feeling overwhelmed, and I need a few quiet minutes to myself. Can you respect that?”
Try to say that as calmly as possible. Don’t make it about him, but tell him directly what you expect him to do.