Just wanted to report that for the first time since probably my 20s, while I was in the shop now, I just got hit with “How can I help you ma’am?” Followed by “Omg omg I’m so sorry sir 😅” the moment I spoke. And I’m not even really trying today, just wearing sneakers, blue jeans and a mostly black tracksuit top.

I personally find it hilarious and kinda adorable how people squirm in situations like this. And as someone who hasn’t done HRT yet, I’m amazed at how locked into stereotypes people are, how just having long hair and no beard can sometimes be enough to cause confusion.

I was not denied for DRP!!! (Deferred resignation program) Just need supervisor to sign paperwork and I can finally start planning to GTFO. Lack of degree is probably gonna bite me in the ass hard for this but id rather have a chunk of ass ripped off than continue life as is.

Will finally have time to work on my self too. No more eating out just to not be in the office for a bit (and no more budgeting for that): actual controlled diet and exercise!! Forming habits for a healthy life during the first real break of my life, not living with my parents!

Studying to skill up! Linux! Self hosting! Basic networking knowledge I severely neglected learning!

I had a week! I went to the salon with my spouse for their appointment, and chatted up the front desk and my usual stylist. I’ve been getting crew cuts with clippers here for 15 years. I told them I was transitioning and needed help growing out and styling and THEY. WERE. ECSTATIC! I spent almost an hour talking with everyone at the salon about hair, clothes, makeup, an upcoming pride festival, and just generally enjoying life as myself for once! What an affirming day :)

I followed that affirming day up with heart problems and a cardio visit that pointed the blame at anti-androgens, so I finally convinced my clinic to switch from spiro, finasteride, and oral E to EV injection monotherapy. I hope that stabilises my mood, accelarates my changes, and finally kicks the T to the curb. Otherwise I’m going to beg for orchi next.

I went for another run this weekend, and realized I finally had a physical body change. I also realized I needed to buy a running bra way sooner than I expected, because that HURT. I’m happy that my body is finally starting to change almost two months in to HRT, but I was not prepared. At least it was only a 5k. I cannot imagine what it would have been like if I had signed up for a half marathon this weekend. I might have gotten my first DNF if I had!

I also realize that I’m part of an extremely lucky small group of trans women. I have an absolutely loving and fantastic spouse that has been nothing but supportive through this entire process. They stand by me, cover for me when I need it (they even go with me and “pick out their own makeup” for me when we’re shopping together!), and accept me for who I am. They’re also not shy about calling me out when a style is a definite no for me. It’s nice to be able to just cuddle up on the couch with our cats and enjoy some tea together. We’ve been together for a very long time, but I’m falling in love all over again!

I’ve been super busy, my SO had knee replacement surgery about a week and a half ago and I’ve been doing my best to be with her as much as possible while also taking care of my place and cat about 90 minutes away. I have taken the extra driving time to practice my fem voice though, and I have a fairly convincing customer service voice coming along nicely!

I redesigned my entire living room and listened to a lot of Courtney Barnett this week. I don’t really know what to make of anything, I’m just trying to be better than I was.

Starting singing lessons in a couple of days, so hopefully that goes well.

Me: Huh, I was expecting HRT to make me emotional, but other than my mood going up and down it’s been fine.
Also me: Has a full-on hysterical-sobbing-in-the-corner meltdown.
Me: This proves nothing.

I feel much better now.

I’ve been collecting cute dangly earrings. Dressing up pretty is so much fun <3

crazy busy, but good overall 💖