So I’ve been taking chinese classes recently for obvious reasons, and yesterday we had to talk about our families, parents and their jobs.
Firstly, I felt really embarrassed about just having 吗吗和我 (my mom and me) in my immediate family, while everyone else had mom’s and dad’s and siblings. I know why I felt sad during that, cause I hate being reminded that I know my moms subsequent boyfriends more than I know my dad. Plus I feel spoiled for being an only child (独生子) but at the same time hating the consequences of being lonely and having to be an emotional support son for my mom.
Secondly, when talking about professions, everyone else’s parents were doing the expected things. Doctors (医生), lawyers (律师) and casino/bank managers (赌场/银行经理). My mother is just a simple warehouse worker (仓库工人).
It’s like…I don’t know. I don’t know if it’s just me feeling like Im spoiled or ungrateful for going to college instead of working or going to trade school, or if I feel like my family is a failure, or what.
There’s not a lot of point to this post. I just feel really…ashamed of myself and I don’t know why
We live in a classist society that pivots shame from those bourgeoisie individuals who silently benefit from hoarding opportunity to those who struggle and are exploited the most
Might be a time to really grasp the history of those who have struggled before you so that you realize are one part of a long lineage of human liberation
You have nothing to be ashamed of. Shame on them if they think they’re better than you just because their parents got lucky or came here on H1B visas.
I’m a Chinese American student also, DM me if you’d like to talk.
There are more people that are like you than not. I feel more connected to humankind remembering that my lived experience is more common than the lived experiences we’ve culturally raised up as desirable.
I don’t mean to imply there’s something noble or positive about growing up without, but it makes you so much more human than otherwise. Until society is a more equitable place, the shame you felt is unwarranted. You don’t know why you have this shame and it’s because it’s not naturalistic, it’s how you (and many others) interpret growing up in bourgeois society.
I think instead of focusing on that ypu only have your mom, and she dosen’t have a fancy job, you should focus on the love and work your mom have done to help you become who are you today. Doing college, instead of working, is a privilege, but you shouldn’t be ashamed of that, keep studying and work for a better society, where the next generation of students come from all kind of families, and a person’s parents job dosen’t limit where it can go.
those things are not your fault, you have the love of your mother, good things in life and you seem like an applicated young person. the fish doesn’t cry to not be able to climb trees or something like that
