Hi I might loose my job tomorrow. For the most Part of my Life i was able to fit in with society. All-ways while ignoring my own mental health. Aka Masking I was diagnosed ADHD when i was a kid, but never got Meds or a treatment back then.
I tried to go to therapy since spring last Year now to get some help, but it takes so long to get any diagnosis or help. I suspect a autism-ADHD combination.
The last few moths i feel quit depressed, (not super dark, just empty and sad) Now today after working for over 10 years and changing field recently its likely coming to an End, i can’t keep the facade up. Work from Monday-Friday 8-5 is to much for me. I had an event with the co-workers last week, and i got drunk and was told to leave to not disturb the other people there. Why can’t i be myself in this world, i disagree with so much that is the standard in this world. This job went against my principles, yet i went there and did my best, but it was not enough, it never is, darkness always shines trough. Anyway i except them to clear my desk and make me leave after they know how i tick. Any suggestions what to do next?
first of all, don’t assume the worst right away. you got drunk, you got annoying, it happens even to neurotypicals. you might get scolded, you might get a formal warning, you might even hear nothing at all. you might of course be fired, but don’t assume that’s the only and most certain possibility right away
when you’re less freaked out about being fired, think about how you’re going to deal with social events from now on. assume you’re not among friends when you’re around coworkers and start figuring out the bare minimum you need to do to make them (and perhaps most importantly, your bosses/superiors) feel like you were present and socialized. once you feel your job is complete, leave immediately. during normal workdays, interact as little as possible with coworkers but again measure if you need to interact a little to keep your boss happy.
it’s not easy and it’s still gonna drain you, but remember that you don’t need to appear like your average neurotypical coworker. do the bare minimum, then leave
if possible, try to spend time with or even just open up to people you care about and trust. i know it doesn’t come easy to us, but community is one of the most important things for anyone’s mental health
here’s hoping you keep your job tomorrow and are able to keep your shit together regardless of the result. sending lots of hugs 🫂