moans

Ah shit :p I haven’t played either 4 or 5 in a while and I’d have put money that it was 4

“why don’t you take your clothes off, then? You said you ‘have nothing to hide’, didn’t you?”

You can turn this wifi and bt scanning/‘location accuracy improvements’ off though, at least on android. It’s tucked away in the settings but once it’s done, it’s done.

4, if I remember right

locates webserver hosting it, lights it on fire

The name’s English. Johnny English. pulls off fake skin, then fires again accidentally, killing an innocent guest; quickly leaves

pulls out gun “take out, granted” pew

“I’m confused, so should I have a chub right now or not? I was expecting some real degrading shit here, c’mon!”

If only there was another option… kinda like a gal pal that would do that weird thing with the wisk and the cattleprod, and didn’t try to show you their monster truck videos on a broken Galaxy 4.

Ah well, that must not exist, guess that’s that.

Ehh the new CoD graphics are mid at best. And they couldn’t even make up their own plot? Miss me with that fam

Didn’t hang up and call Amex cs using the number on the back of the card. Didn’t hang up and call Barclay’s in the same regard. Believes a number that he is given when he is called by a number that has not verified. Somehow believes that fraudulent charges on a credit card can also impact a different account, at a different bank, and that the two companies would even be in contact with one another. Moves 39k for ‘safety’. Gives the person on the phone fucking access to his debit card via a digital wallet system. Believes that uninstalling the app will make him safer.

Holy fuck, and this man presumably prescribes medication, treatments, maybe even cuts people open? With this totally sound mind, his work record must be stellar, I bet he’s only blindly listened to patients without checking their claims a few dozen times this year, and only cut people open who didn’t need it 6 times so far since January.

And he is so upset, so distressed and pearl-clutching, that he refuses to believe that he is a dumbfuck, and is trying to sue over it. And, and, lmfao, the poor bastard has missed two vacation in the last 6 months because of it. Awwww, you poor moron, whatever will you do? And he had to start working on Saturday. He is just scraping by, honest, and it’s not his fault he’s a dumbfuck, it’s the evil bank and their account that he gave a random person on the phone access to!

lmfao

E: actually, 5 months. Two vacations in 5 months. Why does someone so stupid get such luxuries?

Smh you say on a dark place but then you say light years. If the whole year is light then how do you expect anyone to see if it has to be dark?

looks out your backyard window

so that is why you have a helicopter…

Damn, that’s the shortest memory I’ve ever seen. I’d give you a medal or something, but you might forget what it is and try to eat it.

uwu siwwy widdle babies

Clearly you haven’t tried yet. Where’s Bob the builder at?

I can kill off mosquitoes and spiders in the same go? smashes that mosquito-nuke button so hard that it’s shattered to dust

“excuse me, are you going to eat that?”

“uhhh, no; you can have it”

"thanks!* walks off with baby

Plot twist: it’s their (child’s) 260th birthday and they still won’t move out of the fucking house

Luckily I don’t have to be concerned about this hypothetical situation, as I have The Gay™️. I’ll be sipping on my margarita, amused while the family that wanted to ‘try having a child’ is in tears as their 260 year old child throws their hotel mattress from the 6th floor balcony.

sip