Hello there, I’m a 21 year old guy from Germany and have very strong depression because of the constant abusive, toxic and manipulative behavior that I received from my parents since I was a kid.
Those strong depression are also the reason why I struggle a lot in life to get anything done by myself and become independent.
I already lived on my own when I was 17 but I failed because of my depression that made me incapable of taking care of myself which is why I moved back to my parents a year ago who only make it way worse for me because they won’t stop hurting me and treating me like an awful person.
I feel so stuck in life and I tried everything from therapy, mental hospital and medications but nothing worked. The burden is just too strong causing me to feel worthless and incapable of living, I have lots of shame, guilt and major anxiety.
It’s like being paralyzed by the fear of life.
My biggest dream always was to get rid of my parents and live independently on my own but I’m just incapable. I wanna get rid of this victim state so bad but I can’t find a way to escape/deal with the hurt.
Is there anything I can do?
I’ve done therapy before but it didn’t really help anything since we were just circling around the same things. Currently I have a psychiatrist visiting me about once a month but she also can’t really do anything. We tried medication but that was also unsuccessful.
I wish I had a friend or someone who’s not toxic that I can live with but I don’t have one
Therapy will be useless until you’re out of such a toxic environment. You need safety and security none of which are possible in such an environment. Therapy in a toxic environment is essentially palliative care until someone kills themself or someone else, they are just not sustainable or workable situations
It isnt really possible to be safe or have a safe space in such a place, but safety is a huge need and drive that must be satisfied