Does this make sense at all? In my head, it’s the most clear. When written, I feel like I’m not able to fully express what I’m thinking. When speaking, it’s like fucking Russian roulette and can be wonderfully put together and eloquent or stroke-like.
Is there any way to improve this or is it just the way my damn brain works?
Could be both. Trauma causes the integration of the brain to be more difficult due to dissociation which means attention/conscientiousness is much more difficult.