Does this make sense at all? In my head, it’s the most clear. When written, I feel like I’m not able to fully express what I’m thinking. When speaking, it’s like fucking Russian roulette and can be wonderfully put together and eloquent or stroke-like.
Is there any way to improve this or is it just the way my damn brain works?
This sounds like one of the many exceptionalities that are often concurrent with autism. I only an elementary teacher, but I have kids with ASD who tell me similar things. They normally have a Language and/or Auditory Processing Disorder. There’s lots of things that help my students with spoken and written language development, but yeah it is very much how their brains are. Which is totally valid by the way.
I’m not sure what would be helpful for an adult to improve spoken/written communication. Simple and guiding prompt activities help my students (“I thought/felt/did…because….”) engage with organizing thoughts. Writing and speaking in past tense structure seems to be important, but I honestly can’t tell you why. I just trust our Speech Pathologist and our Psychologist.
If it’s any consolation, I’m not autistic, but I have a lot of overlapping learning disability diagnoses, like ADHD and dyslexia (and probably some kind of sensory processing disorder, but seriously if you have one of these diagnoses you likely experience multiple exceptionalities). Comments like this usually take me like half an hour or more to write. And there’s probably still mistakes.