So, back when I was “still cis tho”, there were a lot of aspects of male gender norms that bothered me deeply and of course I totally understand why now. Even though these days I obviously have a clear reason for feeling that way, I’m still curious if cishet men also have issues with how norms or expectations around gender and sexuality impact them in a negative way.

I’d love to hear your thoughts on how those norms impact you, whether good or bad.

Also, I should mention that since this is a bit of a sensitive subject we’re talking about here, please be thoughtful and sensitive when discussing with others in this thread. Thanks! <3

EDIT: Much thanks for all the great responses here! I know it’s a difficult topic of course, so I appreciate you sharing your thoughts/feelings like this.

Speaking of which… I just looked at /c/menby and some of the posts on the front page there are over 2 years old. I see a lot of the discussion here centered around not being able to share feelings and/or not having the spaces or support to do that in. /c/menby seems like the perfect place for that, just sayin’.

  • SorosFootSoldier [he/him, they/them]@hexbear.netEnglish
    20·
    16 days ago

    Correct me if I’m wrong, but it seems to me like even in relatively positive male spaces there’s still a lot of discomfort for men around expressing certain feelings openly in the same way.

    Yeah there’s still a lot of shame involved with being open as a man. Though I have seen a recent change in people’s perceptions of what you can say/do in regards to feeling while being masc so that’s a positive. We just need to de-brainworm more people.

    • the_post_of_tom_joad [any, any]@hexbear.netEnglish
      13·
      16 days ago

      Though I have seen a recent change in people’s perceptions of what you can say/do in regards to feeling while being masc so that’s a positive. We just need to de-brainworm more people.

      I found that being in the right situation, being open with one or two other guys about my own fears and distress (this was during covids first days and i just fuggen needed to vent honestly) was usually a catalyst for them to drop the charade as well, talking about their own feelings of helplessness and dread. Once that hurdle was cleared i was the guy they’d come share their worries and the younger ones would bitch to me about the ‘bullshit’ machismo of the older gen. Course it helps a lot that i present as cishet and look and talk like a tradesman, but my experience is even the crustiest looking steelworkers, rather than embodying the chud alpha ideal, were putting on a brave face just like me.

      That experience went a long way towards fixing my own fear of guys (tho i am in fact amab im ace and adhd/aut, so was mentally and physically bullied throughout school until i learned how to mask up and act like a “proper” Midwestern male).

      I wish this info was useful, i wish just anyone could try that but i understand my position as a somewhat older well-spoken crackerjack was what really helped me break thru their facade.