Hey everyone,
Iām reaching out because Iāve been feeling really misunderstood lately, and Iām hoping to get some perspectives from others who might share similar experiences. Iāve been struggling with how my ADHD, particularly with Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria (RSD), is coming across to people, and Iāve even been called a narcissist, which is honestly heartbreaking and frustrating.
Hereās the thing: I know that people sometimes see my need for affirmation and validation and think itās me being arrogant or seeking attention for the wrong reasons. But itās so much more complicated than that.
With ADHD, my self-esteem has always been fragile, and Iāve often felt like Iām different or not quite āfitting in.ā I know that sounds clichĆ©, but itās real for me. Because of RSD, when I get even a small whiff of rejection, criticism, or being left out, it feels like it hits me harder than it would for most people. I react more intensely to these things, and it can feel like a punch to the gut. So, to counteract that, Iāve developed a way of building up my confidence, and thatās where the need for affirmation comes in. Itās not about seeking attention, itās about needing emotional reassurance to make myself feel secure, to feel like I belong.
But when I post something on social media or share a success with friends, Iām not seeking the spotlight. I genuinely donāt want to be the center of attention or for people to think Iām showing off. What Iām craving, though, is the positive affirmation that makes me feel like Iām not a failure, like Iām not invisible.
The thing is, some people see this behavior and immediately think Iām being a narcissist. And that hurts. Narcissism is a complex thing, but one thing I know is that I donāt lack empathy. I have an overactive sense of empathy (thanks, ASD), but sometimes it doesnāt come across because I struggle with social cues. For example, when I get defensive or react strongly to criticism, itās not about feeling superior to anyone or being indifferent to their feelings,itās about feeling emotionally triggered by rejection. The narcissist stereotype doesnāt fit because I want to understand how others are feeling. I genuinely care about the people in my life, but I donāt always know how to show it the right way.
Another thing that gets me in trouble is how my ASD makes me interact socially. I have trouble understanding social dynamics and sometimes Iāll miss things that would seem obvious to others. For example, I might not pick up on someoneās frustration with me until itās too late, or Iāll misinterpret how people are feeling. In these moments, itās not that Iām trying to manipulate or use people,itās that I simply donāt know how to navigate the situation because my brain is wired differently.
Iām not trying to make excuses, but Iām hoping that people can understand that what might look like narcissism is often me navigating a world thatās hard to understand and trying to keep my emotional world from collapsing in on itself.
The worst part is, the more I try to explain myself, the more I feel like Iām being misunderstood. Iāve been told that I come across as selfish, and it kills me, because deep down, Iām desperate for connection. Iām not trying to hurt people, Iām just trying to keep my self-esteem intact, to protect myself from feeling the crushing weight of rejection that I canāt always control. But every time someone calls me a narcissist or accuses me of being self-centered, itās like a slap in the face. It feels like they donāt understand the real pain behind my actions.
I want to be genuine, to connect with others in meaningful ways, but my own brain sometimes gets in the way. I donāt want attention for attentionās sake, but I do thrive on positive interactions. Just a simple word of affirmation or encouragement can help me feel like Iām seen. When people praise me or recognize something Iāve done well, it lifts me up, but itās not about ego; itās about survival. Itās emotional nourishment, and I need it.
If any of you have struggled with these same challenges, where ADHD, and ASD are making you feel like youāre always walking a fine line between seeking support and being misunderstood as a narcissist, I would really appreciate your insights. How do you cope with the intense need for validation without feeling like youāre being seen as self-absorbed? How do you navigate the pain of rejection or misinterpretation?
And for those who have experienced similar dynamics in their friendships or relationships, whatās been helpful for you in explaining these patterns? How do you manage the balance between needing affirmation and still trying to be a good, empathetic person?
Thanks for listening. Iām really just hoping for some understanding here.
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