I have been diagnosed with depression and ADD. I feel like a lot of their symptoms partially bleed over into autism. I am also incredibly anxious when it comes to social interactions.
I feel like I have a decent amount of behavioural symptoms like getting upset when plans change, not liking when things are moved from where I put them, some sensory things (ex. the sound of velcro tearing, gloves rubbing against the skin at the base of my fingers, I hate making sound when I walk in public, and so on), self-stimming, getting really invested in certain niche topics, and avoiding eye contact.
There are some parts where I don’t feel like I match at all. I would say I’m better than most people at reading people’s emotions. I am good with social cues and nonverbal communication. I just over think everything afterwards.
Getting help for my depression and ADD was a lot of work and I felt like I essentially had to coach them into giving it to me so I’m just not sure if it would be worth the effort. The only benefit I could see is a better sense of self-identity but I already have a major case of imposter syndrome when it comes to what I’ve been diagnosed with and I feel like that would be even worse with autism due to the stigma that surrounds it. People saying “You don’t have autism because we chitchat all the time at work” would feel like a real kick in the nuts. I have been able to force myself to mask or get over some of the issues I’ve mentioned above so far.
Sorry if any of this seems improper. I really don’t want to sound like someone who took a “What mental illness are you?” Buzzfeed-style quiz as a medical diagnosis or someone making unfair stereotypes.
Two of my kids are on the spectrum, didn’t get a diagnosis until they were a teenagers. Suddenly, so many things made sense. Over time, and reflection on my own life, I’m pretty sure I’m on that spectrum, too. And a bunch of other things make sense.
I haven’t, and likely won’t, get a clinical diagnosis. The testing is relatively involved, and regardless of what it would reveal, I don’t think there’s anything that would change for me in my mid-50s. Maybe you’re younger enough that it would be more useful for you.
There are some parts where I don’t feel like I match at all. I would say I’m better than most people at reading people’s emotions. I am good with social cues and nonverbal communication. I just over think everything afterwards.
Couple of things here. One, “not being able to read other’s emotions” is a regulary cited characteristic of ASD, but it’s not universal. One of my sons, for example, has incredibly high “emotional intelligence.” Usually. Two - and I don’t mean this in a snarky or dismissive way - you might believe you’re good at reading emotions, while not being as good at it as you think. I don’t know you, so that could be way off base, but it’s definitely something worth having a think about.
What I have come to learn is that it’s okay to be who I am, whether I have an ASD diagnosis or not. It’s useful for me to recognize my own characteristics and compare them to common ASD characteristics sometimes, but the more time passes, the less I need to do that.
I am who I am, and that’s all that I am, I’m Popeye the Sailor Man.
Two - and I don’t mean this in a snarky or dismissive way - you might believe you’re good at reading emotions, while not being as good at it as you think. I don’t know you, so that could be way off base, but it’s definitely something worth having a think about.
I’ve been thinking about this for a few days now since you commented this. I honestly think you might be right and it’s a kind of stunning realization for me.
I feel like it’s really present in my romantic relationships. There’s a lot of times I awkwardly handled things or caused something to veer off in a bad direction. Even now I’m still really bad for asking people I date if they’re mad at me whenever they’re upset and I don’t know why for example
Ah that’s another thing that I get caught in, too. Someone will be mad at me, and I can tell, but I have no idea what I’ve said or done to cause that.
So I can recognize the emotion, but I am blind to the impact of my own behavior.
It’s always a good idea to get a diagnose. Even if its a negative diagnosis.
In germany for example you get disability-benefits depending on how severe your Autism is.
definitely not always a good idea. Getting a diagnosis can lead to a lot of discrimination and abuse. if you don’t need the benefits I would really recommend against it
How would people know about your diagnosis, though? You can get diagnosed and just not announce it? That’s what I did.
Mamy times where they might be able to access it/you have to tell them. You might face discrimination from medical professionals, or you might face legal barriers, like being unable to get hrt or having to disclose your autism to get a driver’s liscense
Ohh right, good points, didn’t think of those. Yeah I just went ahead and didn’t disclose it, lol. Not as if my ability to drive is affected anyway.
unfun fact! In queensland that’s can get you a $9,288 fine
That’s a pretty unfun amount. How would they find out, though?
This is what my psychiatrist kinda told me between the lines when I told them I suspect AuDHD. I would like to * know *, just to have an explanation to some things ADHD diagnosis alone doesn’t explain. But the autism diagnosis might cause more harm than good - as I don’t have severe problems related to those traits, so it would be unlikely to get any help but for example might encounter discrimination in health care etc…
If you find an expert who agrees you don’t have a severe enough case to need treatment then they won’t necessarily formally diagnose you (your record would still show you’ve had the evaluation but not the diagnosis).
What kind of records are there for things like that in the US?
Idk, I’m from Europe
I’m very ignorant here — what kind of discrimination in health care are we talking about? What does that look like, like the doctor just doesn’t take you seriously?
Heard from a friend who has an autism diagnosis that after getting it some health care people started treating them in a “custodial” way, as if they were simple or had problems understanding, doctors wouldn’t listen to them and so on. For example it might make it more difficult to get help with mental health issues because “it’s just the autism”. I told my psychiatrist that I’m aware of such and they kind of agreed that this can happen.
:(
It’s a spectrum. Talking to an expert can help you figure out on what range of the spectrum you’re in and how to better deal with it.
I guess my fear is not really knowing what the typical minimum is considered for the spectrum and being abruptly dismissed like when I originally tried to get help for my ADD when I was a lot younger.
An ex once went off on my for having used oh im on the spectrum as a valid reason for why i act the way i do. They said as long as i believe i am then i would act on my thoughts and idea then find moments where i go yup im autistic.
Well i stopped saying it, or reallt thinking about it and i feel like some of my personality traits i didn’t care for got better, or maybe i just dont carry a negative attachment to them anymore.
I personally think of the spectrum as something everyone is obviously on, just at different parts or to more extremes. What worked for me might not work for you.
I had this same debate with myself earlier this year, after speaking with several therapists and a doctor that specializes in autism diagnoses, I decided the time and money to get diagnosed was not worth it.
For me, I considered how I was struggling and whether a therapist could help. I struggle with overstimulation, but a therapist can’t do much for that; I addressed it by getting noise cancelling headphones and wearing sunglasses inside. I struggle with burnout, but a therapist can’t do much for that; I had a frank discussion with my boss and we agreed to reduce my work hours and I started saying “no” to social events that would be too draining. I stim and hyperfocus but I don’t find those problematic. I’m extremely lucky that although I have poor social skills and no friends, I am not lonely and don’t feel like I need to make any adjustments to my personality to make friends, this might be one area where a therapist could help.
My point is that, autism is something where you can’t treat it overall, you can only treat the “symptoms”, so narrow down what is causing you stress and look for solutions. If an autism diagnosis requires meeting a threshold for 6 issues, but you only have 5, that doesn’t mean you can’t get help for those 5 things. A therapist may be able to help with that and if you want them to see you as autistic, just say you’re autistic. I doubt they’ll ask for any proof and if they push it just say you were a kid when you got diagnosed and you don’t have any paperwork. I’ll say that in my experience, the most important aspect of therapy is getting the right modality and this can be tough. It can be difficult to find providers that don’t just do CBT and sometimes they aren’t very good about discussing what you really need they’ll just do whatever they are trained to do. I found it really helpful to go to Psychology Today’s website and see all the different modalities that existed, then researching what each of them were and thinking about which may be best for me.
Try not to get hung up on the idea of getting that diagnosis. There’s a school of thought that diagnoses are a capitalist construct that aids a doctor in getting paid by giving them a billing code to submit to your insurance company.
A few thoughts (about my own experiences), maybe it helps…
I feel like taking the steps it needs to get any diagnosis can be very exhausting as these processes usually take time and a lot of energy, so I get that point. I think the most important question to ask yourself is whether you see any benefit getting a diagnosis.
I know several people that are very likely on the spectrum but don’t see any value in getting one, so they didn’t and are happy about the way it is.
It’s also not uncommon to be misdiagnosed or getting a diagnose that doesn’t take into account the whole picture. If you feel like there might be “more” and if you also feel the need to understand youself better, however, I’d recomment trying it - but it is up to you in the end.
I’ve been diagnosed with a bunch of stuff throughout my life and never felt it was “right”, until I finally found the time and energy to see a specialist again, after which I was diagnosed as being on the spectrum. Now I consider getting a ADHD diagnose as well, and it often feels like a never ending story where I sometimes believe no matter what, I have it all. It’s easy to get lost in symptoms as lines can be blurry.
To me, the main point is probably trying to understand myself better, and how life events relate to each other.
Wasn’t too sure about getting a diagnose at first. I also always thought I was good with reading faces and in social situations, but I’m probanly not, just really good in masking to the point I believe it myself. I had an idea of a few autism traits I noticed over the years, which was mainly sensory stuff, so I decided to write down everything that came to mind, reflecting on my life. I took some time reading though it a few times and also read a few books on the topic to help identify more. After a while I thought, yeah let’s just do it. Guess I needed some time to consider everything first.
I need to admit that I was able to understand how much autism impacted my life only after I got my diagnosis, and it is an ongoing process, but I’m very thankful I am in this situation now. The process of getting the diagnosis and the time after have been pretty rough, but there have been many positive aspects so far. A few social situations are actually a bit harder than before currently but I assume it will change over time.
I’ve been pretty open about my diagnosis so far and I’ve had very good and very bad reactions as I told people about it. I guess there will always be ableist people, and yes, you might also encounter ableism during the process of trying to get a diagnosis, as I have. To me, such negative reactions are a great sign to know which people to avoid in life, sometimes it’s easier to have a clear answer to that, even though it can be extremely painful and it usually takes a bit of time to fully understand such situations.
I guess in the end it’s about you and not someone else or someone else’s opinion about you and the way you feel.
Thanks for your response. If you don’t mind me asking what kind of negative reactions did you have regarding your diagnosis?
Were they dismissive or said it must have been incorrect?
I can’t really imagine people making jokes when they find out someone is autistic in the way they do when they find out someone isn’t straight
I prefer to answer without giving too many details. In general, situations where things just clicked, I had some realizations about my life that were hard to accept. What this boils down to, which also was causing the difficult time after diagnosis, is understanding that I am the way I am and react different in situations than others would or how even I sometimes wish I would.
Regarding your second question, I experienced both.
I’m not sure I get your last point. Being on the spectrum or gay/queer isn’t something to make jokes about.
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Many of my doctors are against it, because “what’s the point if you already suspect it?” I can’t get a diagnosis because I’m so old…
That, and where I live, they refuse to diagnose anyone who doesn’t speak the local language…
It’s frustrating when you just want closure, but you’re denied because a neurotypical thinks it’s pointless to someone like me.
Could also be a personality disorder. Either way, if you have worries about how your behavior may be not be what should be the norm then consulting with a professional would always be a good step. If you feel unhappy with whoever you’ve been seeing already, you can always try to find someone else.
