Years ago I was working construction on a house and an iron clamp (around 2 or three pounds) under tension with a chain snapped and flew towards me and hit me in the forehead hard enough it spun me ass over tea kettle off of a scaffold where I belly flopped onto concrete about 6 or 7 feet down. I woke up about ten minutes later with paramedics around me laying in a pool of blood. I was air lifted by helicopter to the city around 80 miles away.

I still have a nice 2 inch scar on my head from where it hit, but thankfully I have a nice thick skull and I didn’t get any brian dabblage :)

I have 3 plates 16 screws and a plastic eye socket I got when I was jumped with brass knuckles

Earlier today I tried to swat a fly with my car door, but since I was looking down at the fly I only managed to slam that door into my head with all my strength, stunning me for several seconds

Metal pole

Also hardest thing I bit. I dented it. My teeth did not chip or crack at all

I sometimes wonder if I am part Idiot Anime Protagonist

1- Golf Ball. Tee shot to the forehead. I heard it before i felt it. “What was that?..Oh fuck!!”

2- I was helping a kid at special Olympics bowling who wore a hard helmet. No one told me he could be violent. He threw his head back and bashed me between the eyes. That the day i learned that seeing stars is a real thing.

Once, when I was a kid (albeit old enough to know better) I was playing underneath a tall warehouse-style shelf. I could just stand up underneath it, so what do I decide to do? Jump as hard as I can, of course!

I’m not sure how I didn’t end up in hospital on that one.

I was still growing and wasn’t aware of how tall I had gotten and jumped over a box in a doorway, I hit my head on the doorframe, woke up on the ground with a busted doorframe.

Fell out of high-chair at age 2, faceplanted and bit through tongue with the only 2 teeth I had at the time. Now have a second uvula on the bottom of my tongue.

Fell off of rocking chair at age 5, smacked forehead on concrete basement floor and now have permanent skull deformation on left side of forehead.

Wacked in the back of head with mop handle by brother pretending to be Jon BonJovi at age 5, 5 stitches and small divot in the skull back there.

Hit on head by rock thrown by neighbor kid age 6, no significant damage.

Fell off bike akira-sliding into driveway at age 7, pizza-faced for a month.

Fell off footpath bridge headfirst on to rocks age 9, 6 stitches administered at a vet’s office because christian day schools are wild as fuck.

Head accidentally slammed in car door age 14.

Suckerpunched in a mugging at 17.

Hit in head by rock that fell off a passing dumptruck age 20, 8 stiches and was extremely lucky that I caught it on the second bounce.

There’s probably more that I’m forgetting (because you know, 10 head injuries.)

When I was really little, my uncle was pulling me behind a motorcycle on one of those plastic kids sleds and I rolled off face first into a pine tree.

Or maybe it was a couple years later when I got in a fight in line to go to the library and a kid grabbed the back of my head and smashed my temple onto the corner of a Formica countertop.

Or it could be when I caught the biggest guy in my Army unit jerking it and couldn’t keep my mouth shut and he did his level best to break my jaw. He must’ve had 6" and 100 lbs on me. Fortunately my head got in the way and I had to get stitches in my forehead from the punch and in the back of my head from the doorway he knocked my head into.

There were some other contenders, but those three all involved stitches and none of the others did.

When I was in elementary school there was a kid that kept bullying me. One day I was walking home with my older brother, and the jerk was chucking rocks at us. We both kind of ignored him until he pelted me in the side of the head, leaving a nasty ass welt. My brother chased him down after that, picked him up, and threw the jerk and his skateboard across the road. I didn’t get fucked with again, and later on in high school the guy apologized to me.

I don’t really talk to my brother anymore after he pulled a gun on my friend he was dating, but I’ll always remember the time he defended the fuck out of me.

When I was twelve, I was bicycling downhill on a residential street, and while I was talking to a friend beside me I slammed into the back of a jeep at full speed. Looking back on it, I definitely had a concussion, but I think the spare tire on the back spared me from the worst possibilities of my bad decisions

I suppose running down the stairs when I was 5 or 6. Look I was really excited to use those stickers. Tumbled head over heels down the basement stairs and struck the top of my head on the support beam at the bottom. Ended up getting stitches, a bear stuffy, and topical cocaine so obviously I came out ahead

When I was probably somewhere around 10-12, I was walking backward and turned around right into a wall. Fell onto my back, then ran to the bathroom and threw up 6-7 times.

Classic. Dropped on head as a baby. Small fracture behind my ear. Fucked up my balance for a while, apparently moving just a little bit would cause me to get dizzy and puke. No permanent issues, but I blame it for my inability to ride a unicycle.

When I was two or three I hit my head on the corner of a table in a post office and had a huge gash above my eyebrow. It had to be stitched and for some reason the doctor didn’t allow my mom to hold my hand. She still kicks herself for not insisting enough. I don’t remember it at all apart from the scar.