This is actually so true. This is the realest thing. Before my physical transition, pronoun circles were so harmful to me thanks to experiencing the scenario in the OP, and now at this point, I don’t care about them at all. But they have never been helpful to me.
I agree that other people will surely find it helpful if they wish to share their own pronouns; and they are also useful for creating an atmosphere of acceptance to make me feel more comfortable; but they do more harm than good when a person is forced to answer like in the situation in the OP. It hurts.
Cis people, here is how to do it: Feel free to present your own pronouns to convey an atmosphere of acceptance and reassurance, either verbally or in a signature/username/bio, but do not ask other people for their pronouns unless you actually really need to know. You only need to know if you are talking about the person to a third party.
It is also extremely performative and annoying when cis people only do the pronoun circle when there is a visibly trans person in the room. It’s infantilising. Either you always offer your pronouns because you want to, or you never offer your pronouns because you don’t want to.
Disclaimer: This is the humble onion of just one trans person and I don’t respresent everybody.
This is actually so true. This is the realest thing. Before my physical transition, pronoun circles were so harmful to me thanks to experiencing the scenario in the OP, and now at this point, I don’t care about them at all. But they have never been helpful to me.
I agree that other people will surely find it helpful if they wish to share their own pronouns; and they are also useful for creating an atmosphere of acceptance to make me feel more comfortable; but they do more harm than good when a person is forced to answer like in the situation in the OP. It hurts.
Cis people, here is how to do it: Feel free to present your own pronouns to convey an atmosphere of acceptance and reassurance, either verbally or in a signature/username/bio, but do not ask other people for their pronouns unless you actually really need to know. You only need to know if you are talking about the person to a third party.
It is also extremely performative and annoying when cis people only do the pronoun circle when there is a visibly trans person in the room. It’s infantilising. Either you always offer your pronouns because you want to, or you never offer your pronouns because you don’t want to.
Disclaimer: This is the humble onion of just one trans person and I don’t respresent everybody.