read right as polite, because they get offended easily.

Iā€™m a male nurse in a predominantly female unit.

How I see a job: Iā€™m there to work and go home and donā€™t want to socialize. Each of my coworkers is welcomed to talk about work with me, but I donā€™t disclose my personal life, age or life goals with them. Work and let me work. If you need help, call me, weā€™ll work together.

How my unit works: there is a group thatā€™s childish and gossipy, donā€™t know boundaries and act like a clique, but maybe 50% of the unit are people that work and let me work, help me and I help them (with the gossip clique this is not always the case).

I was sick for 4 weeks and Iā€™ve decided this is a good opportunity to establish boundaries, something Iā€™ve never done at my current unit. Why now? Being sick I had time to think what I donā€™t want in my life: faking interest in the sexual life or my coworkers, knowing who started dating who or what they think of Biden or the second amendment ainā€™t things I care about. Iā€™ve had a coworker trying to find me a girlfriend a week after knowing me. No thanks.

Iā€™m entertaining other job prospects and I still donā€™t know if Iā€™m gonna jump ship, so for the time being, Iā€™m here. Where I work Iā€™m forced to eat with the rest of the team, including the gossips, so Iā€™m trapped (because if I donā€™t eat with them theyā€™ll start asking why Iā€™m so unfriendly or if Iā€™m angry at them and feel offended, they simply cannot understand that sometimes I want time to unwind without them).

What I think I could tell them, next time they start with their inquisitive questions:

ā€˜Iā€™ve worked here for a year already. It should be clear by now that Iā€™m not a talkative person. This is a question I donā€™t want to answer. And I hope that you respect that.ā€™

ā€˜that I donā€™t talk doesnā€™t mean I hate you, it means I have nothing to sayā€™ < I find it ludicrous even having to explain this.

ā€˜I donā€™t see what that has to do with the jobā€™

ā€˜I donā€™t talk about religion, politics or my private life with coworkers and I hope you respect thatā€™

should they keep pestering:

ā€˜all right, I need time to unwind, which means today Iā€™ll spend my pause somewhere else.ā€™ and proceed to eat alone somewhere else.

And if they pester yet again:

ā€˜leave me aloneā€™

if by this point some of them start giving me the evil eye and afterwards start ignoring me or treat me differently, time to accelerate my transfer to another unit.

If you like keeping boundaries with your coworkers, what do you tell them that works?

  • dennis5wheel@programming.devOP
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    5 months ago

    thank you for defending me, but as you can see, being a minority is not easy: a neutrally worded and genuine question is met by animosity because people like maalus simply donā€™t understand or donā€™t want to understand. And he getā€™s upvoted. Even worse, he and his followers assume malevolence.

    Just wanted you to know that I appreciate the feeling, but they are more and talk waaay more.

    But still, I donā€™t know what to tell my delicate coworkers.

    And make no mistake, this post will also be downvotedā€¦

    • z00s@lemmy.world
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      5 months ago

      Yeah I know. It still annoys me though, I donā€™t want this place to turn into Reddit.

      I understand your frustration, Iā€™m an introvert and I work in education which is about 75% women, so I have run across groups like what you describe.

      The easiest fix is to find a better work place, but in the meantime the only thing Iā€™ve found that works is to become boring to them; listen politely but give short, non-committal answers. Shrug and say ā€œI donā€™t knowā€ as much as you can. Donā€™t say anything that they can use to ask a follow up question. If you get a hardcore talker, excuse yourself to go to the bathroom.