read right as polite, because they get offended easily.
Iām a male nurse in a predominantly female unit.
How I see a job: Iām there to work and go home and donāt want to socialize. Each of my coworkers is welcomed to talk about work with me, but I donāt disclose my personal life, age or life goals with them. Work and let me work. If you need help, call me, weāll work together.
How my unit works: there is a group thatās childish and gossipy, donāt know boundaries and act like a clique, but maybe 50% of the unit are people that work and let me work, help me and I help them (with the gossip clique this is not always the case).
I was sick for 4 weeks and Iāve decided this is a good opportunity to establish boundaries, something Iāve never done at my current unit. Why now? Being sick I had time to think what I donāt want in my life: faking interest in the sexual life or my coworkers, knowing who started dating who or what they think of Biden or the second amendment aināt things I care about. Iāve had a coworker trying to find me a girlfriend a week after knowing me. No thanks.
Iām entertaining other job prospects and I still donāt know if Iām gonna jump ship, so for the time being, Iām here. Where I work Iām forced to eat with the rest of the team, including the gossips, so Iām trapped (because if I donāt eat with them theyāll start asking why Iām so unfriendly or if Iām angry at them and feel offended, they simply cannot understand that sometimes I want time to unwind without them).
What I think I could tell them, next time they start with their inquisitive questions:
āIāve worked here for a year already. It should be clear by now that Iām not a talkative person. This is a question I donāt want to answer. And I hope that you respect that.ā
āthat I donāt talk doesnāt mean I hate you, it means I have nothing to sayā < I find it ludicrous even having to explain this.
āI donāt see what that has to do with the jobā
āI donāt talk about religion, politics or my private life with coworkers and I hope you respect thatā
should they keep pestering:
āall right, I need time to unwind, which means today Iāll spend my pause somewhere else.ā and proceed to eat alone somewhere else.
And if they pester yet again:
āleave me aloneā
if by this point some of them start giving me the evil eye and afterwards start ignoring me or treat me differently, time to accelerate my transfer to another unit.
If you like keeping boundaries with your coworkers, what do you tell them that works?
thank you for defending me, but as you can see, being a minority is not easy: a neutrally worded and genuine question is met by animosity because people like maalus simply donāt understand or donāt want to understand. And he getās upvoted. Even worse, he and his followers assume malevolence.
Just wanted you to know that I appreciate the feeling, but they are more and talk waaay more.
But still, I donāt know what to tell my delicate coworkers.
And make no mistake, this post will also be downvotedā¦
Yeah I know. It still annoys me though, I donāt want this place to turn into Reddit.
I understand your frustration, Iām an introvert and I work in education which is about 75% women, so I have run across groups like what you describe.
The easiest fix is to find a better work place, but in the meantime the only thing Iāve found that works is to become boring to them; listen politely but give short, non-committal answers. Shrug and say āI donāt knowā as much as you can. Donāt say anything that they can use to ask a follow up question. If you get a hardcore talker, excuse yourself to go to the bathroom.