read right as polite, because they get offended easily.

Iā€™m a male nurse in a predominantly female unit.

How I see a job: Iā€™m there to work and go home and donā€™t want to socialize. Each of my coworkers is welcomed to talk about work with me, but I donā€™t disclose my personal life, age or life goals with them. Work and let me work. If you need help, call me, weā€™ll work together.

How my unit works: there is a group thatā€™s childish and gossipy, donā€™t know boundaries and act like a clique, but maybe 50% of the unit are people that work and let me work, help me and I help them (with the gossip clique this is not always the case).

I was sick for 4 weeks and Iā€™ve decided this is a good opportunity to establish boundaries, something Iā€™ve never done at my current unit. Why now? Being sick I had time to think what I donā€™t want in my life: faking interest in the sexual life or my coworkers, knowing who started dating who or what they think of Biden or the second amendment ainā€™t things I care about. Iā€™ve had a coworker trying to find me a girlfriend a week after knowing me. No thanks.

Iā€™m entertaining other job prospects and I still donā€™t know if Iā€™m gonna jump ship, so for the time being, Iā€™m here. Where I work Iā€™m forced to eat with the rest of the team, including the gossips, so Iā€™m trapped (because if I donā€™t eat with them theyā€™ll start asking why Iā€™m so unfriendly or if Iā€™m angry at them and feel offended, they simply cannot understand that sometimes I want time to unwind without them).

What I think I could tell them, next time they start with their inquisitive questions:

ā€˜Iā€™ve worked here for a year already. It should be clear by now that Iā€™m not a talkative person. This is a question I donā€™t want to answer. And I hope that you respect that.ā€™

ā€˜that I donā€™t talk doesnā€™t mean I hate you, it means I have nothing to sayā€™ < I find it ludicrous even having to explain this.

ā€˜I donā€™t see what that has to do with the jobā€™

ā€˜I donā€™t talk about religion, politics or my private life with coworkers and I hope you respect thatā€™

should they keep pestering:

ā€˜all right, I need time to unwind, which means today Iā€™ll spend my pause somewhere else.ā€™ and proceed to eat alone somewhere else.

And if they pester yet again:

ā€˜leave me aloneā€™

if by this point some of them start giving me the evil eye and afterwards start ignoring me or treat me differently, time to accelerate my transfer to another unit.

If you like keeping boundaries with your coworkers, what do you tell them that works?

    • calabast@lemm.ee
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      5 months ago

      I canā€™t image HR getting a complaint that you arenā€™t making small talk, and saying ā€œThatā€™s outrageous! Weā€™ll demand his medical records right now!ā€

      HR exists to keep the company from getting sued, and I think thereā€™s a lot less risk for them to tell one employee ā€œHe doesnā€™t want to talk to you, deal with it.ā€ vs demanding medical records for a non-work-role related issue.