Listen up fuckers, cause none of this applies to anybody on this site specifically and I’m just bitching.
I don’t have to accomodate neurotypicals who say horseshit like “I don’t want to keep a tone tag reference sheet open to have a conversation though”, that has officially stopped being a me problem. Similarly, if your response to that is “Communication is a two-way street, so a communication issue is often also a two-way thing”, that doesn’t sound like I have to accomodate YOUR misunderstanding of MY words, however you have decided to read them. If you decide even in spite of tone tags that I’m being an asshole, frankly get fucked and go decide someone else’s emotional state for them. Hell, even if I didn’t use tone tags, I shouldn’t be required to fucking defend myself from your literal spurious accusations. I’ve had enough of your disingenuous assertions.
I’m pretty understanding about misreads, just ask me what I meant instead of fucking assuming the absolute worst in people all the time, and also do not go around expecting neurodiverse people to accomodate whatever YOU read into their words all the time. Your fucking problem. It’s not their job to sort out your preconceptions and accept whatever emotions you decide for them, which was the point of what I was saying anyway. Ableist shit.
This type of thing has become pretty traumatic over the course of like ten of exactly this type of bullshit, so I don’t have the will to cause problems and fight about it but I’m also not willing to constantly cede ground for free to neurotypical expectations.
It is pretty toxic how rare it is for people to ask clarifying questions rather than just assuming the worst and taking the opportunity to dunk. Just no good at all and it can be tiring, not least because I’d like to believe the other person isn’t that malicious or incompetent irl.
In my experience practicing deescalatory / “organizer mode” conversation irl can really help with this. I don’t know why it does but it’s like working out a muscle and it gets stronger over time and eventually it forces me to be more patient even with very wrong and belligerent people. In turn this actually helps me out because I get less frustrated overall and can put my limited emotional resources into other things. I have no idea if this would be helpful for you, just sharing something I’ve recognized in myself.