cross-posted from: https://programming.dev/post/14816537
Iām 43 years old but apparently I have a baby face, good hair for my age and everyone believes Iām in my mid 20s, even though I already have some gray hairs nobody seems to notice (so far).
I started the lie: first time I started my last job at a hospital immediately after my bachelor and told my new coworkers my real age (38 at the time) they started judging me: why are you not married, why donāt you have children, what have you done in the last 20 years.
The way these women asked was accusatory, like Iām a failure for being almost 40 and not having children or being single. At that moment I decided next time somebody at the workplace asks me for my age, to blatantly and shamelessly lie: Iām 25, leave me alone.
Since that bad experience Iāve worked at 2 other hospitals and my lie has always helped: patients and coworkers believe Iām 25 because as said I look like it, donāt pester me about children or marriage and while my current coworkers are gossips and need drama to live, they donāt push my buttons because I donāt give them any ammunition. Itās tolerable.
Note that I didnāt lie in my application and accounting and management at my workplace know very well my real age, but my coworkers and direct manager are oblivious to it: On my first day I just told them Iām 25 and they didnāt question it.
Now, I have the body of a 43 year old, meaning I donāt lift heavy patients like a 25 year old and sometimes I come home with back pain. I donāt know if Iād get better assignments if Iām sincere about my age (Iād like that, but is it realistic?). I just donāt want to get to 65 with a broken back. I donāt want drama either, just to work and go home.
I lie to protect myself.
If I need to change this, why and how?
He should just not answer the question.
If I catch someone in just one lie, my estime of them usually plummets and I question most things they say afterwards. Not to mention lying about something obvious kind of makes you look schizophrenic.
That is a very fair perspective, but it can be difficult to do in a gossipy setting. Declining to answer or deflecting would be the approach Iād suggest to anyone who isnāt comfortable giving their age.
But, there are very legitimate reasons to avoid disclosing your age as people have stereotypes and preconceptions that you may want to avoid.
Edit to add:
As I ponder, Iām starting to agree more that itās creepy to tell a bald-faced lie like that. But at one of my jobs, I was the youngest developer (but had a full beard) when it was revealed how young I was there were a few coworkers that just stopped taking my opinions seriously. I stand by refusing to disclose your age, but I do agree that outright lying is a bad option.