Magician [he/him, they/them]@hexbear.net

Magician [he/him, they/them]@hexbear.net

It’s weird, in the moment, I get blindsided by an interaction and only after it’s over to I realize I said or went along with things I didn’t want to. I’m trying so hard not to talk to people and I want to change that. I’m avoiding people because I’m scared of interacting and getting it wrong.

I can protect myself, but that means against everyone. Like I can deflect with humor or defend myself and so I keep people at a distance. I’m pushing people away, I’m avoiding them that badly. Because the truth is, I don’t assert myself at all. I’m afraid that asserting myself will hurt people.

But I know I’m hitting a wall and that’s from me not being assertive.

How do you know when you’re doing too much or too little assertiveness? Do you have an internal sense of that? The way I sense it is by looking at the person for signs of pain or discomfort when I talk. So I hold back when I know what I’m saying might be something they don’t want to hear.

What helps you know when you’re being appropriately assertive?

Rules

1.) ableist language=post or comment will probably get removed (enforced case by case, some comments will be removed and restored due to complex situations). repeated use of ableist language=banned from comm and possibly site depending on severity. properly tagged posts with CW can use them for the purposes of discussing them

2.) always assume good faith when dealing with a fellow nd comrade especially due to lack of social awareness being a common symptom of neurodivergence

2.5) right to disengage is rigidly enforced. violations will get you purged from the comm. see rule 3 for explanation on appeals

3.) no talking over nd comrades about things you haven’t personally experienced as a neurotypical chapo, you will be purged. If you’re ND it is absolutely fine to give your own perspective if it conflicts with another’s, but do so with empathy and the intention to learn about each other, not prove who’s experience is valid. Appeal process is like appealing in user union but you dm the nd comrade you talked over with your appeal (so make it a good one) and then dm the mods with screenshot proof that you resolved it. fake screenies will get you banned from the site, we will confirm with the comrade you dm’d.

3.5) everyone has their own lived experiences, and to invalidate them is to post cringe. comments will be removed on a case by case basis depending on determined level of awareness and faith

4.) Interest Policing will not be tolerated in any form. Support your comrades in their joy!

Further rules to be added/ rules to be changed based on community input

RULES NOTE: For this community more than most we understand that the clarity and understandability of these rules is very important for allowing folks to feel comfortable, to that end please don’t be afraid to be outspoken about amendments and addendums to these rules, as well as any we may have missed

How do you know when you're being assertive enough?

How do you know when you're being assertive enough?