Just venting a bit.
I expected that dysphoria will increase with more euphoria but not this fast. Before, I had dysphoria because of my presentation, fat distribution and chest but things that didn’t bother me at all started to feel wrong and I just want to get rid of them. This mainly includes body hair, genitals and facial hair.
I also need more euphoria. At this point I put on feminine clothes every time I go to the bathroom (it’s the only place where I have complete privacy). It seems like I’ll have to buy some women’s underwear to feel more comfortable (so far I only put on my mom’s clothes that is going to washing machine). I’m kinda scared to go and buy it myself, ordering online is pretty risky until I come out.
Dysphoria increased for me when I finally confronted I was trans. Women in general are under intense pressure to conform to femininity and certain gender norms, so all that internalized sexism seemed to act like gasoline to my dysphoria, turning it from a fire to a conflagration.
Some places that you can order from online have discreet packaging options. Lingerie stores can be intimidating for sure, especially if you’re boy moding. If you have any girl friends who are supportive, you can ask them to go with you. Truth be told, a lot of cis women go to lingerie/bra stores with their friends because the whole thing can be kinda intimidating anyway. Do what feels safe.
Try getting some feminine cut but otherwise androgynous clothes, can always try Walmart and other simpler and less expensive stores to try out different fits and sizes without having to go into change rooms. Sports bras and cute panties can be very euphoria inducing when you’re not able to present much otherwise. Sorry that you’re having such a hard time :( ❤️ I hope the rest of your day you’re able to relax and get some peace of mind.
