DEAR MISS MANNERS: Lately at social events, I often find myself trapped by people who want to share, in excruciating detail, their genetic test results.
Each person finds their own results deeply compelling, marveling at length over being 3% this and 15% that, with stunning reveals like, “I thought I we were Welsh, but it turns out we’re Scottish!”
Meanwhile, the next person is on deck, barely half-listening, eagerly getting ready to launch into their own genetic saga.
Monologuing about the minutiae of one’s DNA is self-absorption at, quite literally, the cellular level. Is there a polite way to shut this down?
GENTLE READER: Oh, dear. Miss Manners would have thought that we had established the idea that bragging about one’s lineage is rude, and now it has started up again.
Well, you could try expanding the scope of the conversation. Try, “What would your ancestors have thought of the state of America today?” Or, “I suppose you must want to travel there now. What are your vacation plans this year?”
Or, “Excuse me, I need to freshen my drink.”
they tested my cum and it came back Probably Nordic, just like Opa always said!!
It’s like the mirror image of the “temporarily embarrassed millionaire” thing. Every american is the forgotten direct scion of european nobility and not all of the workers and peasants they’re descended from.
I think this is not just americas but that it’s present in gene-obsessed people all over europe. Anyone that gives a fuck about dna bullshit seems to be obsessed with being part of some ruling master race.
Europeans would be the last people I would assume would want to do these kinds of tests. You’d figure country of origin would be good enough.
I want to take some of these tests to try to pinpoint possible genetic disease probabilities. I really don’t care for my Dutchy Deutch. Pricy so saving up.
It really is something else. Americans love to think of themselves as hardy and hardworking, which is not totally untrue, but let me tell you that mentality did not come from European nobility of all places.
I need to find some 35th removed step relative so I have probable justification for leeching off a forgotten inheritance…oh god. A new Nigerian Prince scam is born! Norwegian Nobility needs to move some gold around quietly through crypto methods and can only trust you! Their 25th removed long lost family member that immigrated hudreds of years ago. He wants to “keep it in the family” but because European ESG DEI WOKE regulations only family in FREEDOM LAND can be trusted and not be stolen. Just need some up front gift cards or crypto wallet to start with and when they get past the drama and immigration your share of massive birthright fourtunes will be yours…eventually…any day now…really they just need a few more applications and diversionary delays.