Sorry no one posted one for last week! Feel free to include anything from the week before you want to catch us up on :-)
Please let us know of any fun you had, of the naughty and un-naughty kind 🙏
Last Saturday I went on a casual first date at a sushi place with a girl from Hinge. I liked her and hoped we would meet up again: she was cool to talk to, which was the most important thing, and also, while I don’t exactly have a type per se, I do like some nice boobs, and sweet mother of mercy, did she have some. But she apparently didn’t enjoy our date as much as I did, because she ghosted me afterwards. I sent her a few more texts over a couple of days, but alas, no joy was forthcoming.
I spent a couple more days feeling like twice-eaten dog kibble and being acutely aware of how touch-starved I still was, but I had another Hinge match I hadn’t talked to in a week because of the first one, so on Thursday, after reality had set in, I hit her up (while… admittedly not being fully truthful about why I hadn’t done so earlier, which I do feel kinda bad about even being reassured by a friend that I shouldn’t) on the offchance I hadn’t totally screwed myself by leaving it that long, and to my utter astonishment, she responded! And it turned out she was dealing with some serious shit at work (not wanting to be too specific, let’s just say that since I had last talked to her, she’d walked out of the job and her therapist advised her to sue).
So I drew on my experience of having a prosecutor for a dad and gave her some tips for how to prepare a case, and then drew on my experience having had painful and traumatic experiences and offered to take her to a cat cafe in the city on Saturday, which she immediately accepted. Unfortunately, I got unlucky with transit, so by the time we actually met up at the cat cafe, they were minutes away from closing, but we were in the city, so we just went bar hopping instead: we got to know each other over wine, then once my not being a murderer had been established, relocated and got significantly stronger (and less expensive) margaritas.
We get into our cozy little booth in the bar, we get the social lubricant going, and after a while her hand is in mine, and I start giving her a hand massage. Most people carry a lot of tension in their hands and wrists, particularly when they’re dealing with a lot of stress: if you’ve never gotten your hands and wrists properly worked over by somebody who knows what they’re doing, do it, it’ll change your life. And lucky for her, I’m a professional musician specializing in piano, so I’ve had it done to me enough to know how to do it, and I have the hands to do it very well. So she’s saying how good it feels, and as we’re talking I can feel her whole body relaxing next to me, she does the “why do you like me” thing that women I date seem to like asking me, and I tell her that I like her because I’ve been enjoying her company, because I think what she does is interesting (I won’t specify, but it was a really interesting job hamstrung by lawsuit-worthy management), and also because I find her attractive, and then she says “Would you please kiss me?”
Sweet mother of mercy.
Well, long story short, we made out in the bar until a really bad smell wafted in, then walked around the area a little bit kissing each other some more until we both needed to get home, with her at one point starting to ask me something and then forgetting what it was because I was “too distracting.” Then eventually we wound up back at my transit stop to go home, she called an uber to get herself home and then we kept making out until the uber arrived… about thirty seconds later, because fucking of course it would show up immediately the one time you kinda wanted it to take a while (she also expressed annoyance at this).
We have already made plans to meet up again in a few days, and will actually go to the cat cafe this time.
TL;DR Went on a date, got ghosted afterwards. Felt like shit. Then had an abrupt reversal of fortune, got another date, and made out with her at a bar. Also, cats.
I keep exploring my bisexuality in gay saunas.
The last time, I decided to step out of my comfort zone and to go to a facility I never went to. But the magic didn’t work.
Too big and too busy, it felt like an indoor public pool. Too much mirror walls (I’m very nearsighted, it’s not convenient). A questionable policy about condom distribution…
Nevertheless, I decided to give a chance to the place, and I had some oral fun with a guy. Usually, I have 3 or 4 partners in row but this time, all I wanted after that was a piece of cake and a cup of tea. I found a bakery on my way back home.
Also, I did my coming out to my doctor this morning to talk about STD prevention and vaccines (papillomavirus, hepatitis). She had me tested (I’m clean), and she offered to prescribe PrEP without my having to ask.
This is really interesting. Good for you to keep exploring and learning. Did you learn anything in particular about yourself or sexuality in general this time?
You can also get a prescription for DoxyPEP which will reduce the risk of other STDs. Ask about it. You take it in addition to PrEP, not instead. Stay safe, my bi brother!
I’ve discovered a new serenity (I’m no longer afraid of lack), in a context that corresponds to my ethics (no one exploits anyone for that).
It also unblocked something in my relationship. My partner is no longer worried that I’m frustrated by her lack of libido. She knows that she has all the time she needs to make it come back, without pressure, without fear that it might one day be a reason for breaking up.
What I’ve learned specifically about sex. First of all, I’ve always loved being sucked (by a girl, until recently) for the physical feelings. I realized that I was also projecting myself in her place. Besides, I never thought a glans could be so soft on the lips.
I also discovered how unpleasant it is to have your head pressed down while you’re sucking (I never did that before). You’re there, making your best to give pleasure to your partner, and they are obviously more interested in seeing you puke.
I also understood the letting go and the trust it needs to be penetrated. When you’re on your knees, with someone in your back, you feel so vulnerable.
As a feminist ally, it’s an incredible (and still very incomplete) experience to live.
Edit: about DoxyPEP, this treatment is not allowed yet for STD prevention in my country. Right now, my doctor is already making an exception for me, as she prescribed a not authorized dosage for PrEP.
I feel like I’m looking at a version of me from another universe. I’m a recently bisexual man whose wife is recently asexual. I don’t really know where they are on the spectrum because they clearly enjoy sex with me (and they’re also definitely not aromantic, they love romance). Regardless, in the past year, I don’t remember when exactly, but we were prepping to have sex and when they came out of the shower they were just crying. They were telling me how we needed to have an open relationship and stuff.
For context, we’ve always tossed the idea around. We’re high school sweet hearts in our 30s. They’re literally the second person I ever dated. (They’re nonbinary now, they/she.) We were conservative Christians when we began dating. When we’re talking about it we always describe it as we both became different people over the years but those two people are still compatible. She came out as bi a few years back as well.
Anyways, any relationship that’s been nearly half your life (by May I think it will be) I feel like the topic of poly/open comes up. We loved the joke from Arrested Development. “Lots of people think it will work for them and it doesn’t, but it might work for us.” From their side they don’t want to because they believe they’d get jealous. From my side I’m curious and sort of want to try but realistically I just know it’s not going to end well probably.
So my wife comes out just sobbing to me about how they’re never going to have a strong libido like they used to (we were more active in highschool and college). I tell her you know, I’m open to it, I really am, but this isn’t the state to be making these kinds of decisions in.
I’m reading your story and it makes me wonder, if I had spoken to them differently, would I be where you are today? And just in case my wording is off or something, I’m in no way trying to imply you’re doing something wrong. It’s just that this very specific moment happened to me.
Anyways, we do have rules for what is acceptable to do with other people. Essentially like, “I’m drunk at a party, what is acceptable?” Sort of stuff like cuddles and kisses are okay, making out and touching genitals aren’t.
We did come sort of close having a third. It’s a stretch to call it close, but like, if you consider any time three people are in a group it was close. We had a friend visit from out of town. My wife and I sort of joked.to each other about them being a good candidate because weove the idea of being able to date our friends in a poly way or whatever but it’s a huge risk for little gain. We’d need to try it with new friends that we don’t mind losing if shit goes south, you know? Not our old friends we’ve had for years who would never look at us the same after we brought it up. This friend from out of town was a new friend and because they live so far away we wouldn’t have to bump into them! We ended up deciding not to pursue it. I don’t really remember why but I think we made the right call.
We did get some good cuddles on the couch all three of us though.
Idk, I’m rambling at the point. Thank you for sharing your story. I feel like we’re kindred spirits from across time and space haha.
Thank you for sharing your story. Maybe we’re indeed variants from different timelines. Let me tell you more about my timeline.
We’ve been together since the university, 20+ years ago. I fell in love at first sight, l never felt something so strong for someone. We shared and still share lots of things: we’re gamers, nerds, far leftist, cat lovers, we never planned to have kids…
The first years were a firework. But with time, she went through a lot of different stuff which slowly ruined her libido. Nowadays, she has treatments for two medical conditions, each one of them is known to have a negative impact on sexuality (she can’t even enjoy fingering herself alone anymore).
We tried a lot of things, but eventually she just felt bad because she was depriving me of a sexual life and she put a lot of pressure on herself for that. So she suggested we should open our relationship for me. And for a long time, I didn’t want to have sex with anyone else, because I believed true love means monogamy.
But she was still very insecure because of our lack of sexual life, so I searched for a solution which would not endanger our couple. And so I discovered that gay saunas exist.
It’s a good solution for me. I have sex at will, so she doesn’t put anymore pressure on herself for that. I can explore an other side of my sexuality, and make some fantasies come true. There’s no risk that I fall in love with someone else.
We established simple rules: I don’t date people outside of the sauna. I tell her when I go there (so she knows my phone is off). I limit the risks of STD. No sex with someone we know. No shame, I can tell her what I did when I come back home. We can freely speak about this deal, and stop it if one of us start to feel unconformable about it.
The second time I went to a sauna, our whatsapp was litteraly like :
- Finished! Getting dressed in the locker room!
- ok! :) Could you buy some bread on your way back home?
That’s so simple. I love her.
This conversation has popped back into my head. Over the last year a friend my wife met over the Internet and at conventions became a mutual cuddle buddy of ours and (with my wife) a romantic interest.
In hindsight I think your story helped nudge me towards it. Around October I began doing erotic roleplay with folks online. A lot of times I wanted to do more stuff with them, like JOI or just involve voice chat or anything but it was always outside of the limits.
After it was clear my wife was interested romantically in our mutual friend we brought back up the topic of poly and where our boundaries really are. To make a long story short, I just picked up my wife from the airport last night after her visiting this friend alone. I’m very happy for them. I’ve started doing more directly sexual things online with folks as opposed to just roleplay too. We’re both as happy as can be still.
Also, your story about what your partner said after the first time reminded me of the first time I went on an online “date” with someone. My wife was actually excited for me and gushed over the details with me and afterwards, later that day she very specifically came and sat with me on the couch and cuddled. It’s been a great experience overall. Just like with you, it’s helped my wife feel less anxious about needing to be able to satisfy me. It’s made the times she actually is in the mood better as well because she feels less stressed.
That’s nice to read. I’m glad you’ve found your own way of being in a relationship that works for you.
My partner and I continue to be in an open relationship, and we have no regrets or doubts that it was the right thing for us.
