• Awoo [she/her]@hexbear.net
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    11 months ago

    How long have you been exploring this?

    This is the kind of thing I’ve seen people in their first years exploring gender say, only to then later on come back and be like “yeah lol lmao” at their earlier thoughts when things change for them later on.

    This will probably come across as condescending but it’s not and I sincerely wish you all the best. It’s just difficult to guess this information through the internet you know.

    • kristina [she/her]@hexbear.net
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      11 months ago

      yeah i kinda loathe the idea of the ‘prime directive of transness’ that some people espouse. nah im for trans colonialism of every cishet mind. jokes aside, i think a lot of people are afraid of pressuring someone, when really all youre doing is stating similar experiences to avoid thought termination. i kinda wish i had someone grab me by the collar and trans my gender forcefully inform me of trans shit in a detailed way when i was younger, would have saved so much heartache and wasted time.

      • Awoo [she/her]@hexbear.net
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        11 months ago

        I think the problem is that it always comes across as if you’re speaking down to someone like they’re a child. It’s a very much a “you’re at an early stage” thing and inevitably because you’re talking about a passage of time experience it ALWAYS comes across as “you just need time to mature”. The roles are always sort of someone more-developed vs someone less-developed, and for the person being placed in the less-developed role essentially against their will (they didn’t choose to have a teacher/student conversation) of the interaction this feels like condescension.

        So I have to hedge like crazy while doing this to try and get it across that I am saying this because I genuinely truly care and want to help. It’s quite plausible that it might not be that, but it’s also going to be better for them to explore faster, sooner, rather than slower and feeling dumb about earlier-self later like literally everyone has had that shared experience.

        There has to be a better way to go about this for more positive outcomes.

        • kristina [she/her]@hexbear.net
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          11 months ago

          yeah thats true, i find it more helpful to just describe my experience in detail, theres been a lot of people that came to me and talked about stuff but just ended up being cis guys that like cock and crossdressing. they felt like they didnt fit in the masculinity box and felt weird because of it, but really they just wanted to redefine what masculinity was in their head, and the real masculinity is not giving a fuck about what other men think and being a sigma chad into the maid girl outfit grindset

          ok i really need to stop making really shit jokes in this thread. if you wanna amplify your experience of my posts, please imagine noam chomsky saying what im saying

        • Dessa [she/her]@hexbear.net
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          11 months ago

          Sometimes, knowing earlier just ramps up angst earlier. One situation that comes to mind is the teenager with no means to safely pursue a transition. Once an egg cracks, if you can’t act on it, it’s agonizing

    • Findom_DeLuise [she/her, they/them]@hexbear.net
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      11 months ago

      One minute, you’re giggling at one of those sissy hypno videos because the “subliminal” messages are just so over-the-top silly. The next, you’re buying a copy of The C Programming Language by Kernighan and Ritchie off of Amazon and there’s a pair of striped thigh-highs in your cart because hey, bundle deal. Then you wake up one morning and start cruising the Turkish dark Web for DIY hormones.

      It’s not a vicious cycle, per se, but there’s definitely a point in there somewhere that you have to stop and say, “yeah, I’m pretty sure I’m not cis.”