Hey everyone! I hope your day is going well!
Apologies for a little vague title, its just that I have graduated from college now in Computer Science. It’s just the thing I am a little worried is about my social life and my weight. Like since I graduated like a month ago, my job is gonna start next month so between the free time I spend literally indoors all the day and night playing CK3, reading, learning some stuff I thought I might need them when I’ll start working. I just have feelings to talk about and try to see what can I do for myself.
Like I know I’ll need to get my car now that I finally got my driver’s license once I get a month’s pay. I feel like I am just not interesting person and can’t socialize even though I do text and call some people like I feel like there is something missing. I never had a girlfriend, missed out on that experience and everything. I think that is something I feel like that’s missing cause even if I have a great time with my friends and everything, its just I want someone to be there for me at night as well like close to me. It seems unrealistic and progressively starting to feel hopeless that I won’t find love.
I do engage in my hobbies and just started to learn my guitar. I do need to hit the gym, its just transportation is a big hassle so I thought maybe I’d just wait till I get my car so I can hit the gym.
Sorry if I said was unclear and being all over the place. I hope everyone has a nice day!
It seems to me like you’re a bit overwhelmed by your troubles, so the first thing I’d recommend (if you’re not already doing it) is therapy: it can help you figure out what you really want and why you don’t have it. Outside of that you probably shouldn’t be putting so much pressure on yourself, there’s no template that your life needs to fit in, you can just take your time and figure it out; it’s good that you want to better yourself, but you should also cut yourself some slack.
If you are feeling hopeless that you will never find love, you’re setting yourself for a rough time when a relationship ends, and an unhealthy one before it does.
There’s no magical transformation after your first relationship, except maybe in that the experience provides a new perspective from which you can reevaluate yourself and your understanding of life and love. Which is to say, after the first rush, you will not feel better in a relationship than you do now, all else equal.
In my experience at least :)
Oh man, I remember what it was like talking to CS students while I was going for my EE degree.
After having gone though CS/SE myself, I can kinda see where all the depression comes from hahaha but seriously, your social, personal, romantic, and financial life will change drastically multiple times throughout your life.
How you handle these changes is up to you but throughout the years what I’ve found to be most helpful is the following saying: “you are at the wheel”. I like to say “helm” sometimes because it sounds cooler.
You decide what is best for you and how you should go about doing it.
What is it that you want to do? What is stopping you from doing it? How can you go about getting rid of whatever barrier it is that is stopping you?
I never had a childhood, I missed out on plenty of things but I’m here now, I can go out and experience the things I didn’t get to as a child. Even though the experience won’t be the same, if I were still a child I’m not sure I would have appreciated these things as much.
I had to make the decision to cut off my friends and family more than once, change careers, seek education as an adult, and essentially learn what love and family are.
I can’t say that I know your specific situation but if you were me, you’d see hope where you wouldn’t have thought to find it.
As always, when dealing with mental health issues, please consider seeking counseling/therapy from a licensed professional.
If you work on yourself (gym, knowledge, social, gaming) a partner will come more or less naturally in my experience. You’ll find people that you’re interested in doing those things, and even better they’ll be interested in you as well! It’s important to choose activities that are beneficial to you though; as fun as CK3 all night and all day might be, it might be reasonable to take just an hour off to bike to the gym, move some weights around a little bit, and bike back.
Generally in all your hobbies and work, I would recommend trying to balance your commitment to what you’re doing to your own mental and physical health. As fun as it is to go 24/7 in one direction (CK3, work, school), a mix is better.
As someone way younger than you are (presumably) I don’t feel like I can give great advice but sometimes a different perspective (like mine) is enlightening.
The only advice i’d give to you is to tell you that you are in control of yourself. You have all these things you’d like to do and the only person who can truly make them happen is yourself. You’ve only got one life so seek discomfort.
