During the pandemic I came out as non-binary due to my personal feelings on how I perceived myself and the way I am.

Lately over this past year I’ve been asking myself how do I feel. Many thought have been going through my head like I’d be happier if I was born a girl and I’ve always wondered what it would be like to have a vagina.

I’m also under immense stress in my personal life that may be exasperating these feelings but they existed before the stress.

My face is scraggly, my legs are a hairy mess. Thankfully I have a safe space with my wife who knows what I’m going through and a friend who listens and offers support. My biggest fear is addressing my family. My mom is still misgendering me and my trans BIL who has fully transitioned. She still lives us and I think she loves him but has fucked up ideas. My dad who has been divorced from my mom for nearly my whole life is full blood republican who believes in personal freedoms from his time in the military but I also don’t know his feelings on trans rights.

I know I’m ranting but I decided I need to crack this shell and figure things out.

I don’t know the first thing about makeup also clothes shopping is overwhelming.

  • floga@beehaw.orgEnglish
    1·
    1 year ago

    Figuring everything out under the cloud of parental intolerance is so tough. Especially with other life stresses going on. I’m so glad you have safe spaces with your wife and your friend <3

    Is there somewhere (maybe with them?) that you can start leaning into more feminine gender expressions in a playful way? Not making any big decisions, but just seeing how it feels to inhabit femininity, whatever that looks like for you? (Luscious hair and perfectly smooth legs are not requirements for being a woman, thank goodness…)

    We make gender such a serious thing — because it is serious for so many people. But reading your post, and all the weight you’re carrying, makes me think it would be good for you to find a way to experiment without it needing to immediately become a huge and impactful life decision.

    • DrPop@lemmy.oneOPEnglish
      1·
      1 year ago

      Thank you for your comments. I have severe anxiety so that’s probably why everything has to seem so big. My hair is fabulous though and I’ve shaved my legs before and loved it. In fact I’ll see if I don’t have a shitty razer and go at it tonight.

      My next step is asking my wife if she can introduce me to some of her transfem and fem friends about this.

    • Aesthesiaphilia@kbin.social
      0·
      1 year ago

      We make gender such a serious thing — because it is serious for so many people. But reading your post, and all the weight you’re carrying, makes me think it would be good for you to find a way to experiment without it needing to immediately become a huge and impactful life decision.

      This is the crux of a big disconnect between millennials like myself and gen z. We care, because we want you to be happy. But we don’t understand why it’s such a huge, anxiety inducing deal.

      • WalrusDragonOnABike@kbin.social
        1·
        1 year ago

        I’m a millennial and also in the “gender is made-up nonsense” camp and I still went through a month period of gender crisis (I still think about gender like constantly a year later, but it at least doesn’t keep me up at night). It shouldn’t be a big deal, but yet it can be. Especially when you live in places where you worry about discrimination whether it be employment discrimination, social discrimination, or violence (or at least perceive a threat as existing, even if the risk is greatly exaggerated).