I went to college with this guy 10 years ago and I considered him a friend up until this year. Something changed in him, and he constantly needs to put me down and I don’t know how to handle it.
We’re both 28, for reference.
Last year, he reported me to the college because I was doing students’ homework for them for some extra cash. He said that what I was doing was depreciating his Diploma. I guess I get it, but what kind of friend would try to get me in trouble for something as harmless as doing people’s homework? He didn’t ask me to stop first or talk to me about it first, he just flat out reported me. Some friend.
Edit: I’m not saying what I did was not wrong. If he valued my friendship, he would have talked to me first. And I would have valued our friendship enough to stop.
I ended up dropping out of the program because of stress. He graduated this spring. I congratulated him and genuinely was happy for him. He then sends me this really childish text, bragging about how he graduated and I didn’t. Here’s a quote from part of the conversation. No joke, this is word for word:
“Hey [my name], just letting you know that I am an engineer now and you aren’t. Also I just got hired at [his work] and am making $34 now just to start. There will be a party at [local bar] to celebrate my graduation. You should come. There will be resumes being taken, you should submit yours, because people like me always need assistants. Even though you are not an engineer by any means.”
I thought, maybe he’s being intentionally arrogant as a joke that I’m supposed to get. But that’s not the case, this kind of talk continued for months. And he means it to be hurtful.
I couldn’t take it anymore, so I blocked him on everything I could think of.
A little bit of background information, I recently started my own business making custom tools. This quote was a part of what he commented on my Instagram picture of one of my tools yesterday:
“You should stop posting these online, it’s really embarrassing because your [tool name] is such a failure. I should redesign all of it for you because I’m actually an engineer at [company name] and have a lot more experience. I could actually do it right, unlike you. I just might help you if you ask me nicely.”
Like, what the hell did I do to deserve that? I don’t know why I let it even bother me because of how obviously immature he is being.
I didn’t respond. I blocked him on Instagram too, but now he’s trying to message me on LinkedIn. Blocked him there now too.
I’m still friends with his brother, so it’s impossible for me to completely block him out from my life unfortunately.
I almost want to explain to him how narcissistic he is, and how his messages are an obvious cry of mental insecurity. I know that that would just be fueling the fire though, and would solve nothing.
He deserves to be put in his place. I don’t know if that’s possible though without me becoming just as petty as he is.
How should I handle this? He’s bound to see me in the future, so there’s no avoiding his bullshit.
Thanks
Thank you. That makes sense.
While I second documenting things since it sounds like you’re being harassed, I do not agree with the motive.
I dunno. If he keeps mentioning his employer, ah, they will want to know that, but this shouldn’t be about revenge- more about ending the harassment. Though chances are he will escalate if he gets fired or sees disciplinary action. (And he will at least be told to knock it off. Hes making them look bad.)
Also? Your probably a better engineer than he is- and that’s why he’s being an ass. a stupid slip of paper doesn’t mean jackshit. Well, it does, but it doesn’t make him an engineer. there’s plenty of people who are amazing engineers without a formal education.
(For example, Burt Munro. There’s a movie that you might like- Worlds fastest Indian. He holds the land speed record for the under-1k hp engines. On an engine he cast pistons by mixing pistons from different makes to get the right alloy.)
Thanks. I’m not trying to boost my ego here when I say this, but I have a lot more experience with Engineering and CAD modelling than he does. Pretty sure he feels threatened.
He has his formal piece of paper and his formal job, which I suppose outranks my outside-of-school experience, because it’s proper and formal.
Take screenshots, especially those on public forums. It’s defamation.
Not really. He is being a dick, so turn yourself into a bigger dick? Document all interactions? Wtf kinda bullshit is this.
Having and nurturing a grudge against that guy does not help you in any way. Ignore him and live your own life happily. Not worth wasting your time and happiness like that.
Documenting interactions as way to prove harrasment (which is illegal) is not a dick move, it is the obvious adult move. The harasser deserves punishment for his crimes, which will likely be a fine and a restraining order. His actions should also be made public, so others may act upon it (I’d fire him immediately, rather than let him fester in my organization)
Fighting back is not being a dick.
Documenting all interactions gives OP the necessary resources to transform this into a legal matter, if OP so desires.
Not fighting back will likely end with OP feeling like shit, with a bigger grudge towards the bully and himself for not acting.
Did you even read the OP??? This shit has been going for TEN YEARS. OP already tried to ignore him, it did not work; OP already tried to contact him in a friendly way (congratulating him for the grad), and it did not work either. Odds are that this shit will go on until someone forces the moron to stop.
That what you naive pacifists don’t get - “just walk away lol! how hard it is lmao!” does not always work. It won’t make the bullying “magically” stop, nor “magically” prevent the psychological damage to the person.
Yeah wtf was that comment and how is it upvoted? Sure, OP doesn’t need to take shit and can fight back, but “ruining people’s lifes”? Conspiring with other people to “make him wish he was never born”? Gerting him fired? How is that supposed to be useful? How does that solve anything?