Feel like half the hot girls I know are dating a dude with that facial hair.

  • the winsome move is to remove all of your body hair, including the hair on your head, even removing your eyebrows, except you leave a massive horseshoe mustache. like a goddamn walrus.

    wear one of those Greek fisherman’s hats made out of leather and round, mirrored shades. even indoors.

    it may not work at all, but nobody will make eye contact with you at the family reunions or work gatherings, so in a way, you’ve won big.