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Dude, just have oatmeal for breakfast and eat whatever the rest of the time.
Had a similar, but multiple factors smaller situation when I ate a bunch of celery and cheez whiz for a ‘snack’. Felt like I was shitting out a two by four.
I literally have to take metamucil daily to not shit liquid multiple times daily. It is baaaaad. But when my stomach has been super irritated for a while because I haven’t been keeping up with it that first properly fibered shit feels like a kitchen sponge running all the way through me. I feel so clean afterwards. I’m convinced it’s the only real “cleanse.”
Fiber teaches us lessons in moderation. I’ve been backed up by its overabundance and I’ve been backed up by its absence.
I was literally in tears while reading this holy shit. It makes me think of the sugar free gummy bear story 😭
Or the amazon rebiew feom the guy who tired to use some hair removal cream on his balls and ended up on the kitchen floor in agony, shoving frozen brussel sprouts covered in ice cream up his ass and moaning from the relief while his daughter and wife watched it horror.
What story is that?
Haribo released some sugar free gummy bears, and apparently the artificial sweetener they used to make them wreaks havoc on most people’s digestion. The Amazon listing was filled with reviews graphically detailing the effects.
I think this is the most famous.
They have apparently changed the recipe since then.
Apparently some artificial sweeteners can act as a laxative. So effectively, those gummy bears were strong laxatives, leading to anybody who eats one to have to spend a long time on the toilet.
The artificial sweetener in question is maltitol.
Also, under no circumstances should you ever use it to make jello shots and give them to your asshole neighbor for the party they’re about to host
I thought it was xylitol?
No, maltitol is the one that gives everyone the immediate shits.
Personally, I use erythritol as a sugar replacer. While it can cause some bowel activity in large amounts, it takes a few hours to kick in and is more akin to eating a bunch of fiber
it was actually head on
Not one, but a full bag of them.
Not a full bag, just a few gummy bears. Maltitol is not to be trifled with
Search for “Sugar free gummy bears review”. There are a TON of super funny stories out there. All of them meme worthy
The story of peanutbitter
What’s that?
It was a funnyjunk user who ate a whole bag of sugar free gummy bears and showed what the aftermath was of that decision
Only thing that’s got me better is the beans story.
This isn’t real, you’re just baiting because it’s lemmy… Right? …Right?
I did choose my wording purposefully due to our relationship with beans, but I assure you it’s real and worth finding
There’s too many beans stories and search sucks these days… I just went on a tangent and read my daily limit of green texts
It is fun to know there’s a story out there I’ve yet to come across though, I’m sure I’ll stumble upon it someday
Apologies friend, I’m having trouble finding it myself. But it’s a longer, more elaborate version of the “this nigga eating beans” meme that really punches it up with that greentext storytelling flair. If I ever find it again, I’ll post it here in your honor.
Bro forgot to drink more water too
you don’t necessarily have to trink water, I eat mostly soup and am just fine because of this, even without drinking water
You know you’re just drinking spicy water when eating soup, right?
no I’m not drinking, I’m eating
you… chew… soup?
Oh boy, I can’t wait to get the coast and drink some chowder
- I like my water like I like my vitamins. CHEWABLE
I too love chewing ice.
But your tooth enamel certainly doesn’t :<
Oh, it can’t be that bad.
googles it
Oh fuck.
snow?
something something bottled water left in the sun something microplastics.
Water based cooking wins again.
Soup might do the trick, but stuff like coca cola definitely doesn’t.
People say that a terrible diet will make you die earlier and that doesn’t scare anybody. They should be telling that before dying there will be several years where you’ll need to use your hands to scoop the shit out of your ass.
It’s like with cigarettes. The time lifestyle changes add or subtract comes off the now part.
Oh gods Thank you for this I haven’t laughed this hard in a while!
You should look up reviews for the Haribo sugar-free gummy bears.
And watch the video of that one dude with the perpetually backwards cap eating a full bag of them 😆
I can’t believe that guy is still active. Or alive.
Thank you. This is glorious!
Hahaha omg that’s hilarious. I hope he lived
He has a bunch more where he eats a cactus and a bunch of other weird crap.
The old stuff (decade+ old) is the good stuff
I watched this with my wife and we both cried laughing
jelli belli rat gummi
Oh I know them! Almost bought one to leave at my last day of work in the office 😂
I just missed my flight. I was stressed and upset. This greentext…holy shit. I’m in tears laughing. Thanks!
Had a similar experience when I ate fiber cereal as a kid, it was only one day of constipation though. I remember thinking I hadn’t pooped and that was weird, I woke up the next day, brushed my teeth and as I walked out of the bathroom I felt something DROP and went “OH GOD!” and ran back in and barely made it to the toilet. I was late for school that day.
Eat a diverse diet with lots of green vegetables. The fiber is good for you.
Eats sawdust every day, dies from impacted colon
That will get you insoluable fiber. Fruits and other veggies have soluable fiber.
The fact that bananas and avocado are being listed separate to "berries“ disproportionately angers me.
🫂
Don’t forget plenty of water.
plenty of water, indeed. it what makes the shit soft.
Instructions unclear. Tried to eat water.
This is one of my favorite greentexts ever
Fiber is great, but in general, going from low to high fiber too quickly can do all kinds of gastrointestinal trouble, your microbiome has to adjust - and fiber supplements especially, if taken not as instructed, can indeed cause more severe complications like blockage.
If you don’t poop for several days even though you are eating, that needs to be looked at. Anon got lucky it resolved on its own with a nice story to tell.
If you don’t poop for several days even though you are eating, that needs to be looked at
Had an injury and needed some baby morphine pills. The side effects was notable and the pain of even just a full day was incredible. There’s no way I could go 4 days with a hospital right across the street.
You can in America. Going to the hospital for constipation would be a few thousand dollars minimum.
Really? I always joke about the us health system not being free and being expensive but I thought it was expensive only for things like surgery
When I broke and dislocated my arm a few years ago, four months’ worth of hospital visits drained my bank account, over $2,000 gone. It was also draining hundreds from my brother’s account, and then the week before Christmas I got hit with a bill for over three thousand dollars to cover the rest of the services rendered, due Christmas eve.
The services that were rendered included having my arm eyeballed by a doctor a few times, two xrays, and that’s it. Nothing for the pain (“Just mix ibuprofen and Tylenol”), nothing to rehabilitate the strength I lost in that arm, just some dick in a coat poking my arm and charging me hundreds for the opportunity.
Had I not gone to the hospital, I wouldn’t have been left penniless. Combine that with my severe anxiety disorder and now I feel fight-or-flight fear responses any time I have to spend more than $100 on something.
Oh yeah, then a few months after that a friend of mine elsewhere in the country fell ill. He didn’t think it was major enough to warrant hospital fees, especially since he was uninsured and made little money. About a week later his condition suddenly went critical, and the next evening his sister informed me that he was dead in the hospital. Leukemia. I’d still be talking to him if it weren’t for the American wealthcare system.
Do you have insurance?
Nope. None of the jobs I’ve worked ever offered it, and I never had the budget for it. All my medical costs have been covered out of pocket.
Meh, don’t sweat it. Insurance is literal fraud. There is no healthcare sysytem in USA. Also, there is no USA. Some other fraudster tricked the suckers into them being a leader and auctioned off everything that was their government and literally took everything of value. It ain’t over, just the other day they told the miitary to destroy everything in the capitol.
Thers more but I ain’t typing that much where no one listens.
An ambulance ride you didnt even want can run you thousands of dollars.
Nah an ER visit will chew through your deductible
Yes it’s an insane and wildly corrupt system. Just getting seen the hospital is 700+
I have a prescription that costs $15 a month with insurance. Without insurance its $265 a month.
Yeah. I lived in America for 6 years; and when I left, it was primarily because of the tangible risk of getting in a minor car accident and being financially ruined.
Even so, I quickly forget about the undercurrent of fear and avoidance I had with doctors or clinics of any kind.
So we’d rather take abdominal pain so bad it keeps you from functioning, because the alternative could be an expensive nothing-burger.
I read somewhere that there are actually two types of fiber, and they have different effects, but most food is only ever labelled “fiber” so idk.
Soluble vs. insoluble. But also fermenting vs. non-fermenting for both types. Psyllium husk powder is non-fermenting soluble fiber. Not drinking enough water with soluble fiber gives hard stools. But soluble fiber is “the good kind”. That super popular doctor recommended fiber-by-the-spoon is psyllium powder, all dressed up.
Whole psyllium husks are fun.
I swear last time I put a bunch in my shaker I shit things I never ate.
‘my guts are yelling in German’ lmao
Gondor calls for aid
These two lines caused a laughter which almost depleted my oxygen.
Moose in heat living in my belly.
Fake: anon tried to lose weight
Gay: anon had his ass destroyed by fiberyou can add two spaces at the end of a line to cause a new-line
like this:<space><space>
here starts a new lineI seem to have forgot to do that.
Why did I read your username as “wizard_poop” ?
What the Shakespearean green text is this…
How to pass the 3 day no poop challenge! And then some.
