People who have only just met me typically ask if I have kids (even though they rarely ask my husband the same question). And when I say that I don’t, 80% of those people think that “Why not?” is an appropriate follow-up. And about half of them will go on about how having kids is great and I should really do it and that someday I’ll change my mind.
Now, I made a choice not to have kids. It’s not a difficult subject for me, even though it’s annoying to have strangers insinuate that I don’t know myself well enough to make that decision. But I have several loved ones who have suffered miscarriages and fertility issues, and I know that they feel really uncomfortable answering that question.
So right around the time I turned 35, my standard response became, " You know, when a woman gets to be a certain age and she doesn’t have kids, there’s usually a reason, and she usually doesn’t want to discuss it with strangers."
That usually stops those people in their tracks. And I hope it has stopped at least one of them from asking a really invasive question to a person who’s overly sensitive about the fact that they can’t have kids.
All that to say that humoring someone and naming the five songs (or saying that you can’t) out of politeness just reiterates that they were correct to act as a gatekeeper. Pointing out how rude the question is might actually change their behavior in the future.
And I hope it has stopped at least one of them from asking a really invasive question to a person who’s overly sensitive about the fact that they can’t have kids.
For having this mindset, you deserve all the good things in life
I have nieces, nephews, and students whom I love fiercely, but I also love that I get to give them back to their parents at the end of the day.
I do not regret my choice in the least. I live a comfortable life and I can afford to do a lot of things that my friends and coworkers who have kids can’t afford to do, either financially or emotionally. I would not be experiencing the adventure I’m currently on (living as an expat) if I had to provide a stable home environment for my own child(ren).
I’m not saying you should regret your choice, just that you will never know how youll feel about having your own kids (which is very different than nieces or nephews) until you actually have them.
Ive found your take on lemmy more common though, not sure if its the individualist bias here or something else.
People who have only just met me typically ask if I have kids (even though they rarely ask my husband the same question). And when I say that I don’t, 80% of those people think that “Why not?” is an appropriate follow-up. And about half of them will go on about how having kids is great and I should really do it and that someday I’ll change my mind.
Now, I made a choice not to have kids. It’s not a difficult subject for me, even though it’s annoying to have strangers insinuate that I don’t know myself well enough to make that decision. But I have several loved ones who have suffered miscarriages and fertility issues, and I know that they feel really uncomfortable answering that question.
So right around the time I turned 35, my standard response became, " You know, when a woman gets to be a certain age and she doesn’t have kids, there’s usually a reason, and she usually doesn’t want to discuss it with strangers."
That usually stops those people in their tracks. And I hope it has stopped at least one of them from asking a really invasive question to a person who’s overly sensitive about the fact that they can’t have kids.
All that to say that humoring someone and naming the five songs (or saying that you can’t) out of politeness just reiterates that they were correct to act as a gatekeeper. Pointing out how rude the question is might actually change their behavior in the future.
For having this mindset, you deserve all the good things in life
Makes sense
To be fair, you actually don’t know if you’d be happier with kids since you don’t, you know, have any kids.
I have nieces, nephews, and students whom I love fiercely, but I also love that I get to give them back to their parents at the end of the day.
I do not regret my choice in the least. I live a comfortable life and I can afford to do a lot of things that my friends and coworkers who have kids can’t afford to do, either financially or emotionally. I would not be experiencing the adventure I’m currently on (living as an expat) if I had to provide a stable home environment for my own child(ren).
I’m not saying you should regret your choice, just that you will never know how youll feel about having your own kids (which is very different than nieces or nephews) until you actually have them.
Ive found your take on lemmy more common though, not sure if its the individualist bias here or something else.
And now imagine you do have kids and actually know that you were happier before …
Thats a bummer. You should get out of there, kids can tell when a parent doesnt want them.
Don’t worry, this was just hypothetical. I actually love my kids.
I approve this emotional roller coaster, it had a good ending!