Why are Hamas soldiers regularly running around near Israeli forces carrying secret plans in their pockets? This one is marginally more believable than the one with a sinister treasure map but only because that story was an insult to my dog’s intelligence, nevermind mine.

Why would they be carrying such a USB stick anywhere near where they might get killed or captured? Unless it’s new and the leadership doesn’t yet have the tech. In which case, the narrative doesn’t add up.

And after the first attack; as if Hamas only planned for a few days and is now scrambling around like a group of bond villains eagerly trying to get their hands on the most villainous weapons. Sounds like Israel has nothing to worry about if Hamas was so unprepared and disorganised that this could happen. Certainly it would struggle to mass produce this weapon in short notice. Maybe if they found this USB stick six months ago? But now? Nah.

Unless it’s all a mix up and the USB has a picture of the colonel on it and it’s a secret recipe for cyan-ade, the bluest lemonade slushy you ever saw.