No one ever reads or watches what I recommend (that’s a lie, one person does). I usually don’t expect others to engage with my interests, I wouldn’t hold a grudge if they don’t. But it upsets me when this occurs in the event of exchanging recommendations with someone who ends up not reciprocating. This has happened on four separate occasions with different people. While I’d actually read the book, give my opinion and genuinely engage with them, they would postpone doing so and constantly make excuses until they think I’ve forgotten. One time I made a promise with a friend to watch a series of their choice and vice versa, guess who did and who didn’t (“My internet connection is so bad” you’re literally watching other shows as we speak…)
This begs the question: are my recommendations this bad? I’d like to put that to the test. Here are the recommendations in question:
- Avatar: The Last Airbender
- The Tatami Galaxy
- Parasite
- Azazeel by Youssef Ziedan
I’ve seen 2 or 3 of those 4 recs, I wouldn’t say they’re bad, I enjoyed them all (though I will say, ATLA is long, Parasite is a bit niche because its horror, and the tatami galaxy is really made for a particular audience as well, so they aren’t exactly universal or bite size recs, but they aren’t unreasonable either).
But ultimately this is the fate of most recommendations in my experience too. there’s not a strong cultural norm of them being reciprocal, and people are often too wrapped up in their own little worlds, their own social media feeds, tiktoks, reels, doomscrolling, whatever, to really engage with long form content, let alone engage critically and come back with thoughts, especially for something that didn’t catch their fancy, just came recommended.
It’s sad but it’s true, and my opinion is that you should adapt to that new normal and not expect anything in return. sometimes you’ll find people who really want to engage with the same things you do and that’s great, but if its not a short little clip you can watch together or something you can describe or explain in the moment, then never assume they’ll go back home and spend hours of their free time on your rec. If you don’t make such promises, then you won’t be disappointed. You can still watch their recs, just don’t consider it a trade.
If your desire to discuss a thing is so strong, you need to find somewhere to discuss it with people that are already predisposed to watch it or have already seen it, maybe a club or forum or something. It can be frustrating to have nobody to talk about this stuff with, but at least take solace in the fact that its nothing personal.