Was thinking about this last night. I have friends who I really don’t know anything about on an emotional level because I’ve drilled into my head it’s a conversation meant to be shared in therapy. But there’s also a part of me that sees the value in getting to know people as humans and not just their 9-5 selves. I have fem-presenting friends who seem to be more open to these types of conversations, but I genuinely want to find the line between sharing and over sharing. As a man, It’s pretty depressing to think about tbh, knowing other men for decades but not really knowing anything about them besides their favorite teams or beer.

Is this a thing that’s exclusive to males? Also, if you have any good literature recommendations for this topic please drop below 😅

  • HumanBehaviorByBjork [any, undecided]@hexbear.netEnglish
    24·
    9 months ago

    AAAAAAAAAAAAA THAT’S NOT WHAT EMOTIONAL LABOR MEANS.

    YES YR SUPPOSED TO CONFIDE IN YOUR FRIENDS THAT IS HOW CLOSE BONDS ARE FORMED. YES IT IS SOMETIMES STRESSFUL TO BE VULNERABLE AND TO MEET ANOTHER’S VULNERABILITY IN TURN BUT ITS WORTH IT AND RESULTS IN THAT COLLECTIVE STRENGTH UNAVAILABLE TO US AS INDIVIDUALS.

    • Hohsia [he/him]@hexbear.netOPEnglish
      3·
      9 months ago

      😅 I guess my main concern is that I have a lot of fem-presenting friends and I’m kinda worried they’ll take a conversation like that as a romantic advance or something

      • invalidusernamelol [he/him]@hexbear.netEnglish
        3·
        9 months ago

        That’s kinda reductive. Just because someone is fem presenting, doesn’t mean that they’re gonna think you talking about your feelings in you trying to make an advance on them.

        You really just have to start talking with people and see how they are responding. Start by sharing something about yourself, then see if they respond in kind.

        Now as someone else said, if you only try to share like this with your fem presenting friends and don’t reciprocate for them, that’s actually asking them to perform some sort of emotional labor (in the context you’re using it, not like how it was originally intended as with “have a nice day” requirements in service work).

        These discussions are always 2 way, or if they aren’t it’s the other person opening up and offering to listen because they care about you.

        In my experience, all you have to do is start asking others if they’re okay, or if they start showing in some reserved way that they aren’t doing okay that you are open to talk with them. This approach is actually really cathartic for everyone and in my experience has helped create really strong communities and friend groups where everyone who sees that behavior starts partaking in it because it’s incredibly helpful for everyone.

      • SoylentSnake [he/him, they/them]@hexbear.netEnglish
        2·
        9 months ago

        if they’re actually yr friends i don’t think they would jump to this conclusion. also people can suspect/wonder if their friends might have a small crush on/attraction to them and not have it be a big deal or something to be pathologized (but again idt they’d jump to this conclusion). the bigger concern IMO is using your fem friends as one-sided emotional crutches - that does come up sometimes but even this i think is overstated as long as you make an effort to learn to be a good listener and give them space to lean on you and be vulnerable with you. as long as they can sense you’re trying to be there for them as much as they are for you i really don’t think that has to be an issue either.